I nodded. “Thank you. He is. And this is my date, Kane. I didn’t get a chance to introduce him during the party.”
Linc shook Kane’s hand. “Nice to meet you. This is my mate, Knox. It’s our first night out without kids in a while, so we’re going to enjoy it while we can.”
After saying goodbye, we headed down the hallway. Kane’s steps slowed, and I wondered if leaving would be the best choice.
Suddenly, one of the doors opened, and a naked omega came racing out of the room, giggling as they passed us, with one of the newer alpha singers right behind him before they racedinto a different room. Kane gripped my side, and I realized I’d made a huge mistake.
“How about I take you home, instead? Unless you want me to get a room for just the two of us.” I thought I would try and see where it got me.
Kane didn’t get a chance to answer. Someone opened the door to the room we were standing in front of, his pupils so dilated, I couldn’t see any color other than white and black. “Hey, you wanna join us?”
I didn’t know the alpha in the hall, but I recognized some of those in the room, sitting around the table filled with bottles of alcohol and lines of white powder.
“No, thank you.” I moved Kane away from him and headed back to the elevator.
On the ride down, Kane didn’t say a word, simply stood in the corner and began to shake. I didn’t know whether he was cold or in some kind of shock. I took my jacket off and wrapped it around him before running my hands up and down his arms. “I’ll take you home.”
He nodded quickly but remained silent.
Cars waited out front, a courtesy of Adan Records for those who didn’t stay the night, so no one drove inebriated. I held the back door open for Kane then climbed in behind him, telling the driver his address.
I’d hoped the reindeer shifter would have cuddled into me as he had earlier, but he leaned against the door and stared outside. When we reached his house, Kane didn’t wait for me to kiss him, just walked past me as I held open the door, and headed up the staircase. My stomach sank. He seemed to have such a good time, even when we danced. Perhaps I should have taken him home then. My own desire to spend more time with him had ruined the chance of ever going out with him again. With a heavy sigh, I got back in the car and asked the driver to wait until I sawa light on in his apartment before leaving. Even with the cold departure, I wanted to ensure he got home safely.
***
Janice peeked into my office. “Have you had lunch yet?”
I shook my head. “No, but I guess I’ll go now.” I wasn’t hungry, hadn’t felt like doing much of anything since leaving Kane at his house on Saturday night.
Grabbing my coat, I gave a brief wave to Janice before taking the elevator down to the parking garage. After driving away from Shifter Towers, I left the underground byway and headed toward the cemetery, hoping to find comfort there. I parked along one of the narrow roads then got out and walked toward the grave of the only person I’d been able to count on for my entire life.
“Hi, Mom.” I brushed the light snow from the bench to the side of her tombstone and sat. “I really miss you.”
The grief counselor I’d spoken to a couple times after her death told me it was good to talk to her about my feelings, as if she was still alive. I wasn’t too sure if it would help, but I didn’t know where else to go.
“I’m feeling kinda shitty right now. It’s my second Christmas without you, and it doesn’t seem any easier.” My chest tightened and I felt the sting of tears in the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away and swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t cry. I’d done enough of that since her passing.
“I thought this year would be different.” I sniffled, needing a tissue. “I got involved with a charity. The Good Neighbor House. It’s a place that helps those in need with food and toys. Trying to give back to places like those we used, now that I have money to do so. I thought that would make you happy.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and saw her smiling face, remembered her trying to be brave for me as she had multipletubes and monitors attached to her during her last days. “I met someone. Or, rather, I thought I did. He works for the Good Neighbor House. A reindeer shifter, like you. He invited me to his Christmas party, and I invited him to mine. We had a good time. Or I thought we did. Now, he won’t answer my calls or texts. I don’t know what I did.”
I ran my hand over my face before leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees and my chin in my palms. “Dammit, I really wish you were here to tell me what to do. I really just wish you were here.”
The crunch of tires on the rough road caught my attention. Someone else had arrived to visit a relative. When they parked in front of my car, I took that as my cue to leave. I didn’t want to babble into the air in front of an audience.
“Bye, Mom.” I kissed the tips of my fingers then touched them to her headstone. “I’ll come back another time.”
Every time I left the cemetery, it felt only slightly less painful than the day I left her at the hospital for the last time.
As I drove back toward Shifter Towers, I considered phoning Janice and telling her I wasn’t coming in for the afternoon. Many of the staff were already on holiday, and all the special holiday performances were already pre-recorded. But if I went home, I would wallow in grief and self-pity. Not a mental state I wanted to encourage right before Christmas.
As I rode up in the elevator, I hoped someone had sent me something to do. I was desperate enough to ask Janice to share some of her tasks with me.
Once the doors opened, I walked right to her desk. “Got anything you need me to do? I’ve got nothing and I don’t want to go home yet.”
She glanced up from her computer. “Just finishing something up and then I was going to head home early. My cubsare off school now, and I’m sure they’re making Alex ready to pull out their hair.”
I chuckled, even if disappointed with her answer.
