“Maybe you could try again.You never know.I mean, the card found you after all this time.”
Perhaps I could reach out, I thought to myself.I knew many people in the military now, and many had settled right here in the area.Chances were that if Noah was still alive, someone would know of him.
“Maybe you are right.Maybe I’ll try again.”
“I think you should.Can I watch some TV?”
“Of course you can.”
“Can Sparkles sit with me?”
I looked over to see Sparkles, my cat, lying across the couch, and nodded.
“You know, you’ve lived here for over a year, you do not need to ask.Sparkles loves sitting with you.”I winked.
“Thanks,” Sarah said, making her way to the couch where she sat down and pulled Sparkles into her lap while changing the channel to find something to watch.
I turned back to my computer and pulled up the browser and immediately thought of Ethan.Surely, he’d have crossed paths with him at some point or knew someone who had.I grabbed the phone and was about to dial Peggy and Ethan’s number when I decided against it.I knew it would only lead to questions I wasn’t sure I was prepared to answer.
Perhaps I could go about this differently, I thought.Maybe I could find him myself.I opened my Facebook profile and clicked on the search bar.I glanced over my shoulder to see Sarah focused on whatever show she was watching, and then I carefully typed his name into the search bar and moved the mouse so that the pointer hovered over the search button.I tapped the mouse, my stomach flipping at the thought of seeing him with another woman.I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know if he found someone else, perhaps had a family.I picked up my mug and sipped my hot tea, then looked at the screen, my eyes falling to his name.
I was about to click on it when I stopped.
Perhaps all of this was better left where it belonged, which was in the past.Perhaps it was better to think of him as gone.Opening up a can of the past normally didn’t have good consequences.Whatever our relationship was then, it was now in the past for a reason, right?Plus, I had a lot on my plate right now with the tree farm, Sarah, and community center.I didn’t need to complicate things further, did I?
I listened to my gut and navigated away from the search page, opening up my email instead, content with my decision.I responded to a couple of emails, did some work on the holiday events, and then made dinner.
As the evening went on, I did my best to ignore that nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept coming forward, wondering about Noah.While Sarah continued to watch TV, I got up and made my way into the kitchen, pulled out the hot air popper, and made us some popcorn.I grabbed two sodas from the fridge, my mind once again wandering to Noah.
While waiting for the popcorn to pop, I headed to my bedroom, changed into my pajamas, and opened my small closet.I turned the light on and looked up at the top shelf to see the old worn shoebox I’d shoved up there years ago.I reached up and grabbed it, carefully pulling it down, and carried it to the living room, then made my way back to the kitchen for the bowl of hot popcorn.
“What’s in the shoebox?”Sarah asked as I carried in the popcorn and drinks.
“Letters,” I said, handing her one bowl and a pop while I placed the other in front of me and grabbed each of us a blanket from the closet.
I sat down and pulled the old shoebox in front of me.It had been years since I’d thought of this box.Dust covered the top, but as soon as I lifted the lid, I smiled.
“Letters from whom?”Sarah questioned.
The entire bundle of letters from Noah was exactly as I’d left them.I’d kept every single one of them, starting from when he’d left Willow Valley to attend training camp, right through to the very last letter I’d received.
I shoved a couple of kernels of popcorn into my mouth as I pulled the brittle elastic off the bundle of envelopes and placed them down in front of me, just in time for Sparkles to crawl into my lap.I gently ran my hand over her head and listened as she purred.
“Letters from my friend Noah, the same person who sent me the card,” I replied, picking up the envelope on top and opening it.
“He wrote all of those?”Sarah asked, peeking into the box.
“He did.Want to hear some of them?”I questioned.
Sarah adjusted the blanket on her lap and nodded, shoving some popcorn into her mouth.
“Okay, well, I hope you are ready for one hell of a story,” I said as I pulled the first letter from the envelope.
“Got popcorn, a drink, a blanket.I think I am ready.”She giggled, turning her attention to me.
Sarah shifted on the couch until she was comfortable and listened to me intently as I began reading the first letter in the pile.It took only a few words to transport me back, and soon my throat was tight and tears blurred my vision.
It was almost three in the morning when I finished.Sarah was sound asleep on the couch and had been for some time when I’d gotten to that last letter.My chest ached and my eyes hurt from crying as I recounted all the good times we’d shared—and some of the not-so-good times.I got up and grabbed the card that still sat on the table and opened it again, reading over his question.All I could think about was where we would be now had I gotten his card when I was supposed to.
