"The ceremony's in three hours," I said, because addressing his confession directly required courage I was still building. "Should probably look less like I've been awake all night stress-analyzing my life choices."
"You look perfect." Er'dox said it simply, factually, like he was reporting power distribution variance rather than making my stomach flip. "But if you need distraction before facing our assembled friends and colleagues, I have system reports that require review."
"You're offering me work as emotional support?"
"I'm offering you the familiar comfort of technical problems with clear solutions. The emotional support is incidental."
I almost laughed. Almost. "You're terrible at this."
"At what?"
"At pretending you're not desperately worried, I'm going to bolt before the ceremony."
"Your observational skills remain exceptional. Yes, I'm concerned. You've spent six months proving yourself indispensable to Engineering operations while maintaining careful emotional distance from permanent commitment. Now we're three hours from a bonding ceremony that makes that commitment formal and irrevocable, and you're standing in a memorial garden designed to honor the dead from your previous life. My concern feels justified."
"It is justified." I moved closer to the memorial stone, ran my fingers across the etched names. "These people died believing they were building humanity's future in the stars. They never got to see what that future looked like. Never knew that survival would mean adaptation so complete we'd barely recognize ourselves."
"Do you recognize yourself?"
The question cut deeper than he probably intended. Did I recognize the woman who'd kept fifteen people alive through desperation engineering on a burning planet? Did she still exist in the engineer who'd spent six months mastering Zandovian power systems and building something permanent from displacement?
"Some days," I admitted. "Other days I look in the mirror and see someone who's adapted so completely to alien civilization that Earth feels like a dream I had once. Someone who speaks Zandovian more fluently than English now. Someone who's about to bond with an eight-foot alien in a ceremony that has nothing to do with human tradition."
"And that terrifies you."
"That liberates me." I turned to face him fully. "Er'dox, I spent my entire life on Earth trying to fit into spaces that didn't want me. Failed engagement because I was too focused on work. Career that felt like slow suffocation because nobody valued creative solutions over standardized protocols. Family that couldn't understand why I'd volunteer for a one-way trip to the stars just to escape their expectations."
I stepped closer, closed the distance between us until I had to crane my neck to maintain eye contact. "Here, on Mothership, in your department, I fit. My creative problem-solving isn't a liability, it's valued. My obsessive focus on systems isn't a character flaw, it's essential. My inability to stop working until problems are solved isn't something you're trying to fix, it's something you understand because you do it too."
"Dana—"
"I'm not afraid of committing to you. I'm afraid of how easy that commitment feels. How right it feels to build a life here, with you, in a galaxy I'd never heard of six months ago. I'm afraid that accepting this happiness means betraying everyone who died believing I'd help build humanity's future."
Er'dox was quiet for a long moment, his amber eyes tracking my face with uncomfortable intensity. Then he moved, closing the final distance between us, his large hands settling gently on my shoulders with a touch that had taken months to perfect, careful pressure that acknowledged my smaller frame without treating me as fragile.
"The people memorialized here died pursuing a dream of human expansion into the cosmos," he said quietly. "You're living a different version of that dream—human integration into existing cosmic civilization. Different path, same fundamental goal. Building humanity's future among the stars."
"That's very diplomatic."
"That's very true." His hands moved from my shoulders to cup my face, tilting my head back to maintain eye contact. "Dana, you haven't betrayed anyone. You've adapted. You've survived. You've built something extraordinary from catastrophic loss. The humans memorialized here would be proud of that, not disappointed by it."
I wanted to believe him. Wanted to accept that survival didn't require guilt, that happiness wasn't betrayal, that choosing to build a life here meant honoring the dead rather than abandoning them.
"The ceremony," I said, deflecting because processing emotions was harder than solving engineering problems. "You're sure about the modifications? Human and Zandovian traditions integrated?"
"Jalina and Zor'go spent three weeks designing the protocol. Bea consulted on psychological significance. Even Vaxon contributed tactical suggestions about positioning." Er'dox's mouth curved slightly, not quite a smile, but close. "Everyone's invested in making this work."
"Everyone's invested in making sure I don't run."
"That too."
This time I did laugh, the sound surprising me with its genuine quality. "I'm not running. I'm processing."
"Process faster. We have eighty-three guests arriving in two hours and forty-seven minutes, and I'd prefer my future mate not be in the middle of an existential crisis during our bonding ceremony."
"Your future mate is always in the middle of an existential crisis. That's the baseline operating condition." I pulled back slightly, studied his face, blue-bronze skin with geometric patterns I'd learned to read like technical schematics, amber eyes that tracked my every movement with intensity that should have been uncomfortable but felt like safety. "You really want this? Want me? Despite the complications and the cultural differences and the fact that I'm approximately half your size?"
"I want this. Want you. Complications, cultural differences, size disparity, and all." Er'dox's voice was steady, certain. "Dana, I've spent four years as Chief Engineer of Mothership. I've supervised hundreds of crew members, trained dozens of engineers, and maintained systems that keep fifty thousand beings alive. I thought I understood what mattered, efficiency, precision, perfect functionality."
