“Are you done?”
She nods, and I push her plate out of the way before handing her the first one.
“What is this?”
“Necessities mostly, but presents still the same. You can’t walk around in my shirt forever, even though it does look better on you than it ever has on me.” A light blush flares on her cheeks, and I can’t help but smile. “Here, there are several so start opening.”
The first thing is the mirror and comb set. She doesn’t even look at her reflection, simply turns it over, running her fingers along the beautiful inlay on the back. By the time she is done, the table is covered in clothes, and I watch as she hesitates to touch anything once opened.
“Beatrice said you may have to take some of them in. She put a sewing kit in here somewhere.” When she still doesn’t say anything, the words just rush out of me. “I know you will need more than this. When we go to town, you can order more in the colors you like. If there is anything here you want to take back, that’s fine as well. I’m sure she will give us credit.”
She grabs a handful of the clothes off the table, clutching them to her breast like a wild animal. Now I am truly confused. “You are going to have to tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours, Little Mouse.”
“These are for me?” She points at the table.
“Yes honey, I bought them last night. I also have your bag with the other things you owned by the back door, just forgot to get it. Hold on.” Grabbing the bag off the floor, my eyes glance out back, aggravated to see that it’s starting to rain hard. Turning back, I set the bag next to her on the floor. “Not knowing whatwas yours or what washis, I did my best. I did find a locket in the box on the mantel and put it on top in the bag for you. If it is not yours, I’ll have Harvey return it.”
Before those words are even out of my mouth, she has reached down, pulling the bag up onto her lap, her fingers frantically searching inside. I know the moment she’s found it because she closes her eyes as she lifts the small velvet bag against her chest. The tears flowing now are from a different pain.
“He told me he threw it away and all this time I thought it was gone, and it was right there. I was convinced he sold it.”
“Why would that bastard do that?”
“I smiled at one of the stable hands when he helped me across one of the planks one morning. Oren saw it from the mill and I had no idea until I got home later, … Afterwards ...”
She can’t even finish the sentence, and I know it’s because of the pain it causes. I reach over, taking her hand in my own, marveling at the strength in such tiny fingers. “I am so sorry, Little Mouse. I don’t have the means to fix yesterday, but in time, I hope to replace your tomorrows with something better. Do you not like the clothes?”
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had new ones; always wore hand-me-downs or something someone else discarded. I feel unworthy of such an expense and all the trouble I’ve caused you.”
“Lauren, we can’t allow others to have the power to make us feel unworthy. You were a young woman born and sold into situations beyond her control, and yet you survived. To me, that makes you worth every penny. I will not sit here and tell you that moving on is easy, because that’s a lie. I was asked a questionyesterday that I still don’t have an answer for, but it had me thinking all the way home last night.
I am here because of something beyond my control as well. When things didn’t work out the way I imagined, I shoved it all away. Pretended and lied to myself simply to continue functioning from day to day. So, you are not the only lost soul wandering around but hopefully, we will be able to anchor ourselves together and make something better … something that was worth the pain to get right here.”
Blue crowing again, and the sound of the animals outside catches my attention and I realize it’s later in the morning than I realized. “I need to tend to the animals, so try on your clothes and just relax. Work will come soon enough, it always does.”
“You really want me to lounge around while you work?”
“I really do! Read a book, alter your clothes, if need be and sleep some more. Spend the day doing anything you want. But no heavy lifting or walking around more than you need to.”
Throwing a few logs on the fire, I grab my Mackintosh since it’s still raining and head out, her battered, confused face floating around in my mind as I work through the familiar chores.
CHAPTER 5
LAUREN
His sharp, piercing gaze stays on me for a minute before he walks off. When I hear the door shut behind him, I finally take a deep breath. How does one’s life change this drastically in one day? He says one thing, but I wonder what he really wants from me. Am I seeing more in all his kindness than what’s really there? Have I been so jaded now that every kind word or action makes me leery of the intent behind it? Has the extreme loneliness of these last few years affected me so severely that I’m now willing to accept any scrap of attention? He could/can break me in half with those huge beefy hands of his, but why do I feel like … he won’t?
I knew the moment I met Oren that he had a mean streak simply by the way he treated the animals on our farm. But Grant, he still has Blue even though he knows he’s going to have to fight him every morning. His actions are unlike any other man’s I’ve seen, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused or unsure about the next minute or my next step.
If you had told me yesterday when I got up that my entire world would change by noon, I wouldn’t have believed it. But here I am, so now what??
For my whole life, there have been chores and tasks that had to be done, so I can’t even understand what doing nothing all day means. A random tear flows down my cheek and I’m not sure why. I know it’s not because of Oren. A part of me says I should be sad, because that no matter what they did to make it disappear, I was once still his wife. Although honestly, the thought of never having to guess which version of him I was going to get from day to day is a relief. Maybe I’m crying for the girl who once believed the fake smiles and random acts of kindness. More than likely, the tears are from the years of abuse with no way out.
This man, Grant, has spoken more kindly and has treated me with gentler hands than anyone before, including my own parents. Or I should say, parent … as father and Oren were cast from the same mold. Mother did her best to shield us girls from father since he only saw us as extra mouths to feed and took every opportunity to remind us of his charity. When the fever took her from us, I knew it was only a matter of time before he found a reason to rid himself of his “burdens.” Odette was the oldest and the first to escape. Looking down at the locket in my hand I open it up, staring at my oldest sister’s picture. She was the one who favored mother the most. When she left with a man from Colorado who had hit gold in the rush, we were envious that she had made it out. I remember hugging her tightly, crying and knowing in my heart that I might receive a letter from time to time, but the odds of ever seeing and holding her again were slim. I remember thinking as I held her, that I would never see her face again.
Then came the precious keepsake, a piece of her I could keep forever. Sent in a simple paper package only days before Father sold me off to Oren, I was able to keep it hidden until the doctor stripped me of all my clothes when I got a fever from the beating Oren had given me. When I asked Oren about it later, I got another black eye and was told that he sold the locket to cover the cost of my medical bills. I never thought of looking in the house for it. Odette’s letters stopped shortly after Oren and I were married. I couldn’t read them myself, but I could recognize my name on the front. Now I wonder if Oren kept those from me as well, because if I had no one, then he had complete control.
I push those thoughts away as there’s no good that can come from dwelling on things that have already happened in the past. But how do you escape or overcome the events that molded you?
