“We were?” she echoed. “We used to be, and no longer are, is that what you mean to say?”
“No, not at all. What I mean is that I now have two priorities, and I am trying to make you all happy, even though it is impossible. I have to think of her, too, Sophia, for she is my wife.”
“And we are your family. I thought that meant something to you.”
“Don’t you dare make such an accusation. Family means everything to me. If it did not, I would have treated you the same way my father did.”
It was not a particularly kind reminder to give her, but Spencer felt it necessary. She had to remember what had brought them to their position, for she blamed Spencer for it even though he had had no part in it at all. He was innocent, and he had tried to help even so, but she never seemed grateful for that.
She was quiet for a moment, looking at her son. Spencer knew that she thought the world of him and that she would do almost anything for him, but there was one thing that she refused, and it would have made everything far simpler.
“Do not ask me to join you again,” she said softly. “Every time you do, it breaks my heart.”
“Why? It would be the best thing for all of us.”
“Yes, and thetonwould think it is wonderful,” she sneered. “The Duke of Wutherton and the bastard girl he is housing. Oh, what a joy that would be.”
“They would not need to know.”
”So you would hide us away? It is not as though that is any better.”
“Then what do you want from me? You do not want to be in my manor home with staff that can care for you, and you do not want me to take the boy from you to care for him. Do you truly wish to spend the rest of your life in this tiny little house?”
“I want freedom. I want to not have to rely on you for the rest of my life, but I will never truly be independent, will I?”
“No, so why can you not accept that you cannot stay here?”
It was clear that she wanted him to refute her claim, but he could not. Her dreams mattered to him, but reality mattered to the child, and a lady with no prospects could not live an independent life as it was.
And that was not Sophia’s only concern, for alongside all of her struggles, her vision was fading more and more with time. She would not be able to work, and that meant that she would be at the mercy of those around her, and Spencer hated the thought of it. That was why he had always done all that he could to help her.
“If I go with you,” she whispered, “I will have to admit that I have failed Gilbert. I will have to accept that I am not enough for him, and I fear it will kill me. All that I wanted was to be a good mother, but it is becoming more and more difficult. I need you, Spencer, even if I am not always clear about my gratitude.”
She was aware of it, at least.
He braced himself, knowing that she would take a lot of convincing, but it had to be done then and there. He could not bear the thought of leaving them in that small household any longer, not if she was no longer able to care for her son alone.
“I know that you are grateful. I am doing all that I can to help you, and I need you to accept that help. Please, Sophia, come home with me. It is what you both need, and that way, I will not have to leave you again. I want to be there for both of you, but when my dukedom requires me to return every year at most, I cannot care for you.”
“And what about your darling and doting wife? She will not want to see me.”
“On the contrary, it will help solve a great deal of trouble. She does not know that you are here, and it has caused more trouble than it is worth. She will be pleased to know that she never had anything to be concerned about.”
“And the noble Duchess will tolerate the disgraceful wanton in her home. Is that what you expect?”
“Sophia, Anna will not see you that way. My wife is… she does not think like the other ladies in high society. She has a club dedicated to reading books and discussing everything from society to zoology. She will love you as I do.”
She did not seem convinced, and Spencer had to admit that it was quite an unbelievable thing to say, but it was what he had to say. Though she would be taken aback by the revelation and furious that he had kept it from her, Anna would want to help Sophia. It was her nature to do right by a lady, whether she knew her or not.
“I do not know,” Sophia frowned. “If I go with you now, and I adjust to the life you have always led, I will not be able to be any other way. What happens when you want to be rid of me?”
“That will not happen,” he promised, giving her a light kiss on her forehead. “You have always been important to me. I will ensure that nothing bad happens to you, and you know that.”
At last, she softened.
“Very well,” she sighed. “I will go with you, and we can leave all of this behind.”
“Wonderful. I shall have your things prepared, and–”
