“We can play again,” Spencer suggested.
“Do not worry. I can see that you need rest, and I do not want you to force yourself to stay awake for my sake. You will likely have things planned for tomorrow, and I would prefer you to be rested.”
He shifted in his seat, and at last Anna could not make excuses for him. Something was wrong, and she needed to know what it was, even if it bothered him.
“What is it?” she asked, her tone firm. “You have been like this all evening, as though you are afraid to meet my eye. If I have not done anything to warrant this, then what is it?”
“Anna, it is not as simple as that.”
“Why not? At lunch, you told me that you had had strong words with your friend, but you were in high spirits all the same. Since then, you have changed completely, and I deserve to know why, especially when it has affected our evening the way it has.”
“Then would you have preferred me to eat separately?”
“No, I want you to tell me what has happened. I do not want you to be like this without me knowing why. It is not fair.”
He was looking everywhere but at her, and she willed him to tell her the truth. With how he was acting, she knew that it was not good. Suddenly, she wondered if she should have listened to Theodora, rather than placing her faith in him.
“If I tell you, you cannot be angry, for you told me you would not be.”
Her heart sank, knowing that it could only possibly be one thing. It was the only thing that he had promised her, and the only thing that she had been trying to make herself believe that he would not do.
“Very well,” she replied, knowing what he was going to say. “I will not be angry with you. What is it?”
“I received a letter today. I am to leave in the morning.”
Even though she was anticipating it, her heart pounded as he said it. He had received the letter with his correspondence, which meant that he had known all afternoon and had not told her. He had let her speak of her faith in him, of her belief that he would not abandon her again, and he knew that he was going to do precisely that.
And she was furious, but she could not show it.
She knew that he would leave eventually, but she had asked that he tell her in advance. It was the night before, but it was beforehand all the same, and he had told her where he was to go. North again. Without her.
CHAPTER 21
Spencer knew that Anna was furious with him. How could she be anything else? But it had to be done.
She left for her room after he told her, and he did not see her again until the following morning as he was preparing to leave. He had hoped to spend a final night with her, but in truth, he could not blame her for wanting to keep her distance.
He wondered, as he went to breakfast, if she would come to see him at all. He had delayed his departure on purpose, in case she wanted to speak to him, even if he was not convinced that she would. To his delight, she did, and she was wearing his favorite nightgown of hers. He wished that she looked happier, but then he only had himself to blame for the fact that she seemed quite furious.
“Good morning,” he said carefully. “Did you sleep well?”
“Did you?”
Her tone was cold, and he hated that their last interaction would be like that. He wanted to fix it, even if he did not know how.
“You should know that I do not wish to leave.”
“Then do not. I will not listen to you pretend that you want to stay, not when your presence or absence is wholly in your control.”
“It is not. Anna, I have already told you that I have no say in where I go. My family needs me, and so I have to leave.”
“Your family does need you,” she muttered, “and you are leaving it.”
Her words stung. She was, indeed, his family, but it was not as simple as that. If he had the choice, he would have remained where he was, and settled the rumors and the scandal, and then he would have continued to enjoy the life he was sharing with his wife.
But that was not possible, not for a long time.
“I will return,” he promised.
