The ladies all squealed again, and Anna continued to provide them with the most delicious details. Once again, she felt as though she was a desirable woman, rather than a drab wife. She understood, at last, just why Maria had changed so much during her marriage. She wanted that for herself, to grow and to change and to be seen as something more than a lonely duchess.
“And has it gone any further?” Evelina asked.
“No, not as yet, but I cannot help but feel as though it will. Every time I look at him, I… I feel the most wicked things. I often wonder if he is thinking the same.”
“Nobody has an imagination quite like yours, Anna,” Maria laughed. “But I do not doubt that he is imagining you in all sorts of ways. You are most fortunate, like I am.”
“Yes, we understand,” Theodora snapped. “You are both so very happy, while my sister and I are not.”
Silence fell, and Anna turned to her youngest friend with sympathy. Things were changing for her, and quickly, but Theodora was precisely where she was before. It was difficult, but Anna did not understand why she was so hurt about it.
“I thought you were happy alone?” she asked. “You always say that you have no interest in marriage, and that you shall gladly always be a spinster.”
“Of course, I say that. You said that you were pleased to live without your husband, so much so that you said he had died, and yet the moment he returned, he is all that you talk about.”
“That is different.”
“Is it?”
Theodora was trembling, and Anna was certain that she would cry, but then she steeled herself, laughing carefully.
“My apologies,” she said softly. “I do not mean to be unkind. I am most happy for you, but this is all such a change, and one that I did not expect. I thought that we would always be bluestockings together, except Maria, but seeing you so happy in your marriage…”
“Whatever it is, Theodora, you can tell us. We wish to be there for you.”
The young lady bit her lip, and Anna wished she knew what she was thinking. Theodora was rarely vulnerable, for she was so certain of herself that there was no breaking her. It made it even worse that she was now feeling that way, for Anna could not help but feel as though the fault lay with her.
“When it is all of us,” Theodora explained, “I can say that we are together, and so it is not only me. When you are all so interested in love and romance, however, it makes me feel as though– it makes me realize that it is me, and that there is something wrong with me.”
“Oh, Theodora, there is nothing wrong with you! I have always admired you for the fact that you do not need a husband.”
“I worry for you,” Evelina added. “I want security for you, if not love and adoration, but that does not mean that I think less of you.”
“But they do. Thetondoes. We are all expected to fall in love and do these wicked things, but I look at a man, and I find the idea repulsive.”
“That is because you have never done it,” Anna said firmly. “That is how I felt beforehand, but once you have experienced that moment, you will understand.”
Suddenly, the door opened, and they all sprang apart.
Spencer was standing in the doorway with a grin on his face and a bag in his hand. Anna turned to Theodora, who had turned scarlet, and then they all scurried back to their seats, sheepishly taking their teacups back into their hands.
“How was your visit?” Anna asked.
“I assume your friends know where I have been?”
“They do.”
Spencer took a seat beside her, his hand on her knee, which made her draw her thighs together.
“He has been warned, and he has been stripped of his role. He will not bother us again.”
The other ladies sighed wistfully, and though Anna thought she might scoff at him for acting the hero, she did not see him that way. The truth was that he had been a hero to her; a man had hurt her, and he had handled it. Thankfully, that did not culminate in pistols at dawn, though she expected Walter to be too cowardly to do that.
“I see that you have been enjoying yourselves,” he continued, taking a slice of cake. “Do all ladies attend clubs like these?”
It was Anna’s turn to blush. She knew that her husband would not let her live it down, having undoubtedly heard her impression of him.
“I would not have thought so,” Maria replied. “There are very few ladies like us. You ought to be pleased that you have a wife like her.”
