It had been four days since Bonnie had asked me for space. Four. Agonizing. Days. I worried if she was eating, if she was sleeping, if she missed me at all. I left breakfast, lunch, and dinner outside her door. I got groceries delivered, with her favorite snacks. I got a new number. I texted her, and she didn’t block it. Just set me an, “Okay.” At least she let me know she got it.
The following day was Christmas Eve—the day we met, the day my life began. And I felt lost, knowing there was a really good chance I wouldn’t be spending it with her. I was trying to be patient, but I was going out of my mind.
Suddenly, a last-minute idea popped into my head, and I really hoped that I could pull it off.
Chapter Fourteen
Bonnie
I couldn’t help but continue my wallowing for the next four days, and before I knew it, Christmas Eve was the next day. It only made me want to sink further into my wallowing, but Ellie was keeping a close watch on me.
I was sitting on her sofa while she made us spiked hot chocolates with some cheesy movie on in the background that I wasn’t paying attention to. I was just thinking. Thinking about everything that had happened. Wondering if I could forgive Elijah, if I even wanted to. Well, of course I wanted to, but I just didn’t know if I could.
“Here ya go.” Ellie handed me the cup, took a seat next to me, and I continued to hang out in my head instead of being present with her.
“Are you ready to talk about it?” she asked. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no, either. I thought about it, but I wasn’t really sure where to start.
“I’m confused,” I told her. “I’m confused about it all. His explanation makes sense. I don’t believe he cheated. In fact, I don’t believe he did any of it to hurt me. I think he just…didn’t want to create problems. But that doesn’t make me feel better.That doesn’t take away from it all. That doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t stick up for me.”
“You’re right,” she said as she sipped her hot chocolate.
“And as much as it hurts me, itreally,reallypisses me off that I know he didn’t do it to hurt me. Because he did a really shitty thing, areallyshitty thing, and I know he didn’t mean it. I know…I know he loves me. I feel it constantly. I feel it in the way he takes care of me. I just don’t…don’t know how to get past it.”
“Maybe you don’t have to get past it right away. Maybe you just have towantto get past it,” she offered. I hadn’t thought of it like that before, and I rolled her words around in my head. “The way I look at it, life is really, really short when you think about it. You get maybe…What, sixty good years when you’re an adult? And it goes by so fast and so slow at the same time. This wasn’t the first time he fucked up, and it probably won’t be the last. And you’ll also probably mess up at some point.” I shot her a dirty look. “ Hey! You know it’s true! Anyway, I think it’s important to find someone youwantto get through the tough times with, and if that’s Elijah, then figure out how to move forward. And if it’s not Elijah, that’s okay too. Either way, move forward.”
“When did you get so wise?” I asked her.
“One of us has to be, and it’s clearly not you.” She poked me in the side, and I rested my head on her shoulder.
“I love him,” I told her.
“He loves you. You know he does.”
A notification rang out from my phone, and I realized it was my booking app, requesting an appointment.That’s odd.I could have sworn I closed it for the holidays. Even though I knew for a fact that Elijah would be flying for the first half of Christmas eve—that was, if his schedule was still the same—I had decided to block off the entire week so I could cook, bake, and be readyand waiting for him when he got home so we could celebrate the holiday together.
Booking request
First Name: Holiday
Last Name: Healing
Requested Date: December 24th
Reason for appointment: I can’t imagine spending December 24th away from the woman I love.
Accept booking
Decline booking
“He’s clever,” Ellie said.
“You have no shame, do you?”
“Not one bit. It’s why you love me. Get your man. That is, if you want him,” she halfway urged me, but also let me know the decision was completely up to me. I grinned at her as I made a choice.
*****
I walked into the shop as a bundle of nerves—some good, some bad—only five minutes before Elijah was supposed to show. I had spent the past twelve hours rotating betweenthis is a good ideaandthis isn’t a good idea. But I wanted to see him.
