Then she continued. “Within a week, they were sparring like the worst of enemies. Jo was awful. She picked at him, she belittled him in front of everyone, and she left him for days on end with no explanation. It was almost as if she were punishing him for leaving her for so long; at least that’s what we all finally decided. Kit tried everything, and he put up with more than anyone should ever have to, but finally she broke him.”
Hallie’s stomach tightened with the pain-filled picture Maddie painted. Kit must have been so hurt.
“She went off on one of her jaunts, and Kit readied the ship and left. He cut the voyage short and came home three months later, but by then it was too late. She’d been killed in that carriage accident in Boston. When he found out about Jo’s lover, he told both families, together, and Jo’s father came unglued, calling Kit a liar. He said his daughter wouldn’t do that and that Kit must have driven her away. God, what a scene! Ben and Tom had to pull them apart before they killed each other. Her father was sorry later, but by then Kit was on his way out here and he’d changed. It was as if any love he had was sucked dry. The only emotion in him was an intense hurt and anger. No one could reach him. That boy erected a wall around him that was so hard, a cannon wouldn’t break it.”
Hallie’s fists were as tight as the knot in her stomach. She could only imagine Kit’s pain. While she had lost both parents and the loss hurt, at least she had known they died loving her and her brothers and sisters. But to lose someone you loved when you knew they hated you had to be a helpless feeling. Kit was a proud man, and as such, that sense of failure would haunt him.
“He needs someone to shatter that wall, Hallie. I think someone who loves him can do it.” Maddie sounded much more confident than Hallie felt.
“I don’t know how, Maddie.”
“It’s not going to be easy, Hallie, don’t think I’m saying it is. There’s going to have to be tons of giving on your part, and not a lot in return, at least at first.” Maddie grabbed her hand again. “You’ve got a few things in your favor. First of all, Kit cares about you.”
She groaned in disbelief.
“Stop that!” Maddie ordered. “He does care, I can see it. The seeds are there, but you’ll have to be the one to make them grow. You are married, and while I’m almost sorry I forced that, I still believe it was best for both of you. What has Kit said about the marriage? You must have talked some.”
“He said he was sorry he’d hurt me, and that he’d like to forget what’s happened and maybe we could reach some sort of compromise.” Hallie looked sheepish. “He said I could name the terms, and that’s when I told him he had to sleep in the chair.”
This time Maddie’s laughter wasn’t covered up. “Oh Hallie, you really are good for him. I wish I could have seen his face.”
By this time Hallie was smiling, too. She couldn’t help it when she remembered Kit’s stunned face. It had been almost comical. “He was... a little surprised.”
“I can imagine.” Maddie laughed harder, and it was contagious.
“He did look awfully silly with his long legs hanging over the arm of the chair.” Hallie grinned, and then her own laughter sang out.
Then Maddie grew serious. “If you love him, Hallie, you’ll try to help him forget the past. Use all that love of yours to help my nephew.” She squeezed Hallie’s hand. “Please.”
Hallie wanted to try again, even without Maddie’s plea. She just didn’t know if Kit could ever love her. It seemed so hopeless. Of course, if she didn’t give it one last try, she would probably always wonder whether she could have done it. The doubt would haunt her to her grave.
“I’ll try,” she told Maddie. “After all, what have I got to lose?”
Hallie got up and left the room, under the pretext of checking on the children. She reached the hall and then mentally answered her own question. She could lose her self-respect, her happiness, her dignity, and her heart. But then, hadn’t she already lost her heart? Besides, she mentally argued, while the stakes were high, the prize was everything she could ever want; if Kit could learn to love her, it was worth any risk.
21
Kit was late, much later than he’d expected when he sent the note home. But it was unavoidable, and what was one missed supper when he’d just made such a good deal? The papers were signed and the last of his burdens lifted. It was perfect timing. Now, if he could just keep Hallie from finding out.
Once home, Kit went directly to the study so he could hide the agreements in his desk. He lit the desk lamp and automatically reached down to open the bottom drawer. It was already open and still filled with cats. He put his papers in another drawer.
He spied his pipe sitting by a small tobacco holder. A smoke would be relaxing, and the smell of burning tobacco might help dispel the lingering essence of skunk that still hung in the room. As he puffed on his pipe, Kit thought about the radical changes in his life over the last six weeks. Despite the smell, his study was as immaculate as the rest of his home. While he had groused about Maddie, he had to admit that his life had taken a change for the better.
The kittens stirred, bringing the memory of the looks on the children’s faces when they hovered over the animals. The twins had been examining those cats with so much curiosity and awe that for once they were quiet. It was then that Kit suddenly saw the difference between the two boys; it was in their eyes—a look—and the minute he saw it, he knew he would never again confuse the two. And then there was Liv, whose pride-filled face caused him to smile even now. He would bet that at nine, Hallie had looked just like Liv. When she patted his shoulder and thanked him, any thoughts of his damaged contracts had disappeared as fast as the food on Lee’s plate.
The children had changed his life, given him a purpose, and really made him feel as if he had a home. He had always thought that kids were interesting little beings, but never knew how rich life could be until he saw it through the fascination of a child’s eyes. Marbles and kittens, even skunks, were no longer just toys and animals, but instead, each became a special wonder that colored the way he viewed things. Nothing seemed quite so urgent or so crucial, and it was a comfortable feeling.
However, there was one new aspect of his life that was not simpler. His marriage to Hallie. Kit Howland, who had vowed never to marry again, had done so under pressure, and to a girl who was thirteen years younger. Of course, he hadn’t wanted to marry Hallie, but he’d done enough fool things to make the marriage a just punishment. Then again, it would be a punishment only if he spent his entire marriage sleeping on a sofa or in a damn uncomfortable chair.
Until Hallie, he had forgotten what it was to want a woman—one certain woman—so badly that it haunted you, day in and day out. While he had fought that very desire, it hadn’t done a bit of good. He still wanted her.
When they made love, it had been the worst possible time. She was hurt and he was angry. She was a young virgin, and her hysterics afterward were probably milder than he deserved, considering his belligerent attitude. Now he was paying for it, and he wondered how long it would be before he could hold her without reading a glimmer of fear in those expressive eyes of hers, or before he could teach her how gently his body could love her.
Kit drew on the pipe, but it had burned out. He emptied it, laid it on its wooden stand, then stood up. After foolishly saying good night to the damn cats, he turned down the lamp and left the room. A clatter sounded from the kitchen, drawing his attention to the light spilling from beneath the door. Someone was still up.
He walked in, and there was Hallie in her nightclothes, and, God help him, her hair was down.
“Hello,” she said so quietly he wondered if he’d imagined it.
