“Yes.” She gave a sharp nod. “It must be a family trait. You sound like your brother.”
“Good God... that bad?” He shoved away from the wall and walked toward her. He looked at her for a long time before he finally placed his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t look away.
“I don’t think this is good thing, lass.”
“What?”
“You being here.”
“Then tell me, Calum. Where should I be?”
“Back at home where you can get on with your life the way it was before my brother made a mess of it.”
She laughed facetiously. “Oh, now that’s funny. My life was so wonderful before.” She shook her head, then looked up at him. “My life was nothing but one big heartache. It was a mess long before Eachann ever came into it.”
“You’re too young for your life to be a mess.”
“I don’t feel young. I feel very, very old.”
“But you aren’t old. You are young.”
“No, listen to me, please, Calum. I might be young to you, but I feel all used up. I’m a person who doesn’t fit in anywhere. I just don’t think like other people, Calum. Life isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, at least the way I thought it would be.”
“It never is.”
“But I’m so confused all the time. I don’t even know where I belong anymore. Even my home doesn’t feel like home since my parents died.”
“What happened to them?”
“My father had quite a few business interests. He and my mother traveled to Baltimore. I was supposed to join them in a week, but there was a fire in the hotel, in the middle of the night. They were on an upper floor and couldn’t get out.” Her voice cracked.
He pulled her into his arms and just held her, while he slowly rubbed her back.
It had been so long since someone cared enough to comfort her, she began to cry into his shirt. “This is so silly.”
“Grief isn’t silly.”
She turned her head and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “They couldn’t get out, Calum.”
“I’m sorry, lass.” He stroked her head. After a few minutes he asked, “You have no other family?”
“No. My father was an orphan and the last of my mother’s family died when I was a baby. My parents were the only family I’ve ever known.” She looked up at him. “So you see, I have nothing to go back to. When your brother took me, my life seemed like nothing. In here.” She pointed to her heart. “I was all shriveled up inside.”
“Time will change all that, lass. Sometimes we have to wait. When we’re young, waiting is very hard.”
“I’m not that young.”
He laughed. “You have a long life ahead of you.”
“If I do, then I need something in my life. I read your journal. How old were you when you first began to work with the emigrants?”
“I was nineteen.”
“I’m twenty, Calum.”
“I’m a man.”
She frowned at him, then stepped away. “What does that have to do with it? You were nineteen. I am twenty. You’re a man. I’m a woman. Because I’m a woman, does that make me less capable of caring?”
