"Yes, oh, yes," she answered breathlessly.
"That's what a husband gives to his wife in their marriage bed."
"Yes, oh, yes." She continued to wiggle against him, trying to get closer, much closer, so much closer.
It was heaven.It was hell. Cleav ground his teeth, viciously trying to regain his control.
"You know what else it is," he whispered again, rolling his hips to give her a more accurate accounting of his form and dimensions. "It's what I would give to you if I were a cad."
"Oh, yes . . . what?"
She opened her eyes in surprise to find him staring at her, his jaw tight with self-control. They were both trembling with the force of desire. But Cleav held himself rigid as he removed her legs from his waist and set her feet back on solid ground.
"I am not a cad, Esme," he said gently. "And you are not someone who should be treated lightly."
"Cleav, I want ..."
He held up his hand to stop her words. “I know what you want, Esme." He allowed his hand to drop to her bosom.
Caressing her gently, he felt the nipples begging his fingers for attention.
"This is not what you want," he whispered hoarsely as he moved his hand up her throat to raise her chin. "A quick tumble in the grass is not what you are hoping for," he insisted firmly. "You told me that first day in the store what you really want," he said. "You want to marry me."
Esme blushed and lowered her eyes. Cleav wouldn't let her off so easily.
"You want to marry me," he repeated. "But I do not, will not, marry you, Esme, not ever."
She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued. "I know it hurts you to hear this, Esme," he said. "But it's like the alum," he insisted. "The pain is real sharp for an instant, but then the wound heals up right away. You have to understand, Esme, that I do not, will not, ever love you. And you are not the kind of woman I would ever choose for a wife."
He meant to be kinder, to add more soothing words as he broke her heart. But he still trembled from their embrace. His hard-fought battle with his own conscience was barely won. If he did not break it cleanly, honestly now, Cleav knew he might well be tempted not to break it at all.
"You deserve better than I offer, Esme," he said. "Because to a foolish hill girl like you, I offer nothing."
Chapter Nine
“Well, good morning," Eula Rhy greeted her son as he stepped into the kitchen.
Nodding politely, Cleav returned her greeting sleepily. "What are you doing up so early, Mother? Obviously, you must feel better today."
"I'm fine," she replied and then hastily corrected herself. "I'm not well, of course, but I'm having one of my better days."
"I'm glad to hear that," Cleav said sincerely as he accepted the steaming cup of coffee cradled daintily in the bone china saucer she held out to him. He could remember when his mother started his day, and his father's, with hearty breakfasts of pone and sausage. These days Mrs. Rhy cooked only sporadically, more often than not for company rather than her son.
"I needed to speak to you this morning," she told him. "I waited for you last night, but you came in so late." Eula shook her head with disapproval. "What in the world do you do down at those ponds until near midnight? Shouldn't those foolish trout go to bed at a decent hour like the rest of us?"
Cleav managed a crooked grin at his mother's complaint. Last night it was the people who were restless, not the fish.
"What did you want to speak to me about?" he asked, unwilling to examine more closely his own unsettled condition.
"I spoke with Mabel Tewksbury yesterday—" Eula ended the phrase with a heightened lilt designed to convey excitement.
"Oh?" Cleav said, seemingly unconcerned.
Mrs. Rhy put out a frying pan on the stove and began stirring the cornmeal and water mixture that boiled in a pot beside it. "Mrs. Tewksbury says Sophrona won't breathe a word to her about the little spat you two had last weekend." She glanced back at her son at the table. "It's very sad for a mother when a child won't confide those things."
Cleav kept his eyes on the contents of his delicately patterned coffee cup, and Eula sighed with annoyance.
"Mabel's been trying to find out what happened, but that girl has been as silent as a stone."
