I swallow. “I kissed her.”
His hands stop in mid-air. Kaelen stares at me, his expression frozen. “What?”
He knows what I’m talking about. Immediately. I know every single part of this man, from the anger he shows to the rest of the world to the pain he tries to hide as best he can.
And he tries to hide it from me now, a shutter appearing over his eyes as he drops them. “I see. Where is she?”
There’s no anger in his words. Wariness, perhaps.
“Sera is bringing her.”
“It’s the Binding,” Kaelen says slowly. He takes another step, but he stops himself, and it hurts my heart. He sounds almost desperate. “That’s all it is. Iknowwhat it feels like, Eres.”
“I don’t think so.” I search his face, looking for answers. “But if it is, how can you stand it? Why do you still punish him, Kae?”
Months. He and Darian have been Bound formonths. It’s been a few days with Lyra, and I can barely breathe without needing to know where she is. “You told me these feelings were temporary. Were you lying? If you told me the truth, then you know it’s not the Binding that makes me feel them.”
I won’t hide behind Erevan’s blessing. “The kiss was my decision.”
Instead of answering, Kaelen presses his forehead to mine, breathing deeply. I need the contact just as much as he does. His words are quiet. Careful. “Is this your way of telling me this—us—is ending, then? That you’re done with me?”
Never.My heart threatens to shred beneath sharp, savage blades. “Is that the only choice? You, or her? We have so little time left, Kae.” My voice shakes, my eyes burning. “I’m not going to choose between you.”
Don’t,I beg him silently.Don’t make me choose.
His lips brush mine. “I’m not asking you to. But… she’s one of them.”
His voice no longer holds the derision it did. It almost sounds like a question.
“Lightbringer, Darkwielder,” I breathe. “What does it matter, Kae? That might be all they see us as, but it’s not who weare. And it’s not who she is.”
They see us only as shadows. As enemies. A scourge to be wiped from the earth.
They don’t see us kneeling in the soil to feed the few people we have left. They don’t see the soldiers who take shifts to watch over each other’s families while their friends are on patrol, picking up the pieces when they don’t come home. They don’t see Kaelen’s determination to giveeverythinghe is to Umbraxis, even down to scrubbing dishes in the kitchen, or in the way we’ve planned our end to try and give a handful of souls a single chance at life. They don’t see us as individuals at all.
Vaelion’s army is a single, massive beast, and they’ll swallow us soon enough. “Don’t make the same mistake as him.”
Kaelen sucks in a breath. Behind us, the door bangs and he pulls back. His eyes are heavy, filled with doubt, but he attempts a smile. “You don’t need my permission. But you have it anyway.”
“I know that.” I swallow around the lump in my throat. “But I still wanted it.”
“Go on.” He nods to the hall. “I’ll be in soon. I just need to finish these.”
The tables are set up as usual, though half of them remain empty, and a handful of familiar faces greet me as I pass them. Few manage a smile. Lyra and Sera aren’t here yet, but Valcor and Nythen have their heads together at the end of the table closest to the doors. Darian is there too, staring down into his cup.
Still bruised beneath the eyes. Still hurting.
I slide into the seat opposite him. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he says listlessly. His fingers toy with the cup. “How’s Lyra?”
“After last night?” I consider it. “She acts as if nothing of note happened.”
He frowns, still looking disturbed. “Her nightmares felt familiar to me. Almost worn, as if she has them often.”
His eyes lift to the door, and a flicker appears there that I recognize all too well as he rises from his seat.
“Good evening.” The words are soft.
