But another thought is edging in.
Eres cocks his head. “Ask. Whatever it is that has that look on your face.”
I narrow my eyes at him. That suspicion unfurls in my chest, only added to by the way he so easily reads my expression. “This Binding ceremony… how often is it used?”
Twin spots of color flare across his pale cheeks. Now Eres is the one avoiding my stare. “Not as much as you might think. It’s… a complex thing.”
My voice is flat. But my heartbeat speeds up—either from my own growing panic, or from Eres, and even that thought makes it beat faster. “It’s a mating ceremony. Or something like it. Isn’t it?”
This damnfeeling.
His inhale tells me all I need to know. My words are choked. “I am…mated, to you?”
Mated. To aDarkwielder.
My breathing quickens as Eres strides across the room. He kneels in front of me. “Look at me. Please. It’s not what you think.”
Duskbane’s anger makes sense now. “So we’re not mated?”
His hesitation sends a creeping coil of anger through my stomach. “Not in the way you think. The Binding can be used as a mating ceremony. When partners wish to be… closer. A Binding is offered as a final step. For us, it is a sign of trust. But one does not always equal the other.”
I think I might vomit. “But you don’t trust me. I’m a Lightbringer, Eres. You said it was permanent. What happens if you wish to bind with somebody else?”
Somebody like a snarling, night-eyed male who speaks in shadows instead of words.
Hands cup my cheeks. “Look at me.”
I force myself to meet his gaze.
He speaks slowly, not looking away. “There is only one person I might have wished to bind with, Lyra. But Kaelen is already bound. That… it’s not possible for us.”
My brows draw together. “He bound himself to someone else?”
“And that’s his business,” Eres says carefully. There’s a quiet warning there, if I cared to heed it. Perhaps pain, too, although I don’t know him enough to say for certain. “But it means that I was free to offer a Binding to you.Notas a mating, but as… security. To buy you a place here. You are not the first person to receive a Binding for this reason, and I have no regrets.”
“Then why do I feel like this?” I whisper. “I feel… strange.”
“It will pass.” His thumb strokes over my cheek. “This is part of the reason that partners will offer a Binding. This sensation. But it does pass, and quickly. In the meantime, I’ll stay close to you. It can be distressing to be separated. The feelings should be gone by tomorrow.”
It’s becoming clear that whatever his feelings on the matter, whatever a Binding may mean, he has given up something infinitely precious. For me. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know that you needed help,” Eres says gently. He wipes under my eyes. “And whatever sits beneath the story you told us—”
“It was not a story—”
He shakes his head, cutting off my panicked words. “Whatever led you to that clearing, tothis, you have a choice now.”
For a moment—just a single, perfect moment, I let myself believe him. I want to hold on to his quiet, warm words and pretend that they’re true. Pretend that I’m only a woman seeking sanctuary instead of a soldier seeking death.
And if it wasn’t for Reena, perhaps I could pretend a little longer.
When I don’t say anything else, his fingers travel to my hair. “I can help with this.”
I draw my knees back up like a child, laying my cheek on them as he rises and crosses the cell. Eres picks up a bag, and I watch as he rifles through it. Not a bag, I realize, but a belt.
He hums lightly beneath his breath, his posture softening as if the movement is soothing to him before he pulls out a small jar. “I can add a little of this oil to your hair and comb out the knots. It will hurt less than you ripping them out.”
His smile is… disarming. At my nod, he approaches me again. The cot shifts as he settles beside me and I turn to the side, feeling him full my damp hair free of my shirt. He works quietly, and I find my eyes drifting closed at the gentle tugging as he works through the knots.
