At the amused voice, my shoulders pull in. When I don’t say anything, Sera clicks her tongue. “I haven’t been avoiding you, before you ask.”
“Unlike every other soldier here.” I mutter the words into the safety of my straw friend's face, but she’s close enough to catch them. “I know. You’ve been on patrols.”
And it’s good to see she made it back, even if I don’t voice it. Too many don’t.
“Dare,” she says, almost gently. “They’ll come around.”
I don’t want her to be nice to me, either. It’s almost worse.
I don’t know what I fucking want.
My eyes flicker to the castle doors when they open. A pair of icy, silver eyes, streaked with black, tighten as we lock gazes, before they turn away to scan the closed gates. Kaelen vanishes back into the castle without a word.
He’s watching for Eres too. But there are far more demands on his time than there are on mine. I’ve been here for hours, and he barely gets a moment to himself.
I turn my attention to Sera. She leans against the fence, her arms dangling over.
“Are you going back out? I could use a patrol.” The words spring into my head, but as I say them, it actually sounds like a decent plan. I need a damn distraction, and fuck Kaelen’s orders to stay here. I need something to pierce the constant thoughts that I can’t get away from.
“As soon as possible,” she says wryly. I’m not the only one who needs to escape. Sera rubs a hand down her face. “But preferably before my father gets back. Although it’s more than my life’s worth to let you join us if he finds out. Or Kaelen. Sorry, Dare.”
Figures. “Your father is still grieving.”
A shadow flits over her face. “We’re allgrieving. There isn’t a single person in Umbraxis who isn’t.”
I open my mouth. But I don’t have the right words. I only have apologies, and she’s already told me she doesn’t want those. “You could always spar with me, if you need to let off some steam.”
Pale blue eyes narrow. “I haven’t recovered from last time.”
I raise my hands. “I told you, I didn’t do anything.”
“I had nightmares for a week. As you know, you creep.”
I push my tongue into the side of my mouth, attempting to hide my smile. “I was worried about you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Save your worries for someone who wants them.”
I flinch. The amusement in her eyes softens. “Sorry.”
Shrugging, I abandon the well-beyond-saving dummy and stroll over, leaning on the fence beside her. “Not your fault.”
It's not her fault that nobody wants them. That nobody wantsme, and the thought is so pitiful that I want to slap myself as soon as it crosses my mind.
There’s a war going on, and you’re lonely? Priorities, asshole.
“Eres will be back soon.” Sera nudges my leg with her filthy boot, and I shoot her a mock-glare. She purses her lips. “Is His Highness still being a prick?”
“Careful,” I mutter. “They execute people around here for that kind of talk.”
She snorts. “If he tried, I’d push his head down the latrine like I did when we were ten.”
I almost retch at the memory. “He was furious.”
“And he’s furious now. But he’ll calm down.”
Sighing, I straighten. “Look, I appreciate the intervention, but it’s not necessary. He’s made his feelings clear.”
“To everyone apart from you, it seems.”
