Even if I find myself… curious. Almost longing for more touch. From Kaelen. From Eres, and Darian, who are somewhere in this room. I glance over my shoulder, searching for any sight of them in the crowd.
I wouldn’t mind being touched by them. Even for those parts, I would bear it. If it brought them pleasure. Kaelen isn’t moving. He studies me, a faint line appearing on his brow. “Why do you say that?”
“Because it hurts.” I blink at the expression that spreads over his face. The flush darkens further, his mouth pressing into a thin line.
“It doesnothurt.” His hands tighten on me. “It shouldneverhurt, Lyra.”
It should never hurt.
Just another lie. Something else they used to beat me with. Humiliation crawls over me, heating my body, and I attempt to pull away from Kaelen’s arms. Suddenly I don’t know what to do with my hands, or where to place my eyes. “Oh.”
He captures me again easily. Kaelen doesn’t say a single word. But his arms wrap around me once more, his hand cupping the back of my head as he pulls me into him.
And I hide myself in him. Press my face into his chest—that broad, thick chest that holds so many worries yet still makes space for this—and let my tears loose.
“I’m sorry.” The rough whisper reaches me as he strokes over my head again. “I would kill him again, if I could.”
“Lyra?” Eres’s voice pulls me from the void. “What’s wrong?”
I wipe at my eyes hastily. I don’t want to ruin this evening, not when it’s for them. “Nothing. You should both go back to… to what you were doing.”
“There is nothing more important than this,” Kaelen murmurs. He shifts, blocking both Eres and I from the wider room. Eres turns to me with concern, running his eyes over me in careful assessment. “Are you unwell?”
I shake my head. “Have you seen Darian?”
“He was behind me.” Eres looks over Kaelen’s shoulder. “Here he is now.”
Kaelen turns slowly, his eyes lingering on me.
Darian looks stiff, his eyes still shadowed. I suck in a breath, looking between them, and shift back toward Eres. His eyes narrow on me, and he keeps his voice low as he cups my cheek. “You’re alright?”
I nod. His arm slips around my waist, thumb running over my stomach as we both watch. It feels as if Eres is holding his breath.
Perhaps I am too.
Kaelen
“Iwas leaving.” Darian shifts in place, his eyes not meeting mine. “But I wanted to say goodbye.”
Not goodnight. Butgoodbye.My closest friend looks at me, and it feels as if the whole damned Veilspire stands between us. The bottom drops out of my stomach when he leans forward.
Andbows.
“Don’t do that,” I say hoarsely. “Don’t bow to me.”
“Just let me say this.” He straightens, his eyes endlessly deep and glittering, a sheen coating them. “Please. And then I’ll leave you be.”
As if he needs to beg to take up any damned space at all, and my heart cracks a little more. “All right.”
His throat works, bobbing as he swallows. Darian’s eyes travel over my face. And behind me, to Eres, and Lyra.
“Tomorrow… or whenever it comes.” He stops. Takes a breath. “Don’t make me fight apart from you, Kaelen. From all of you. Just… let me stay close. I don’t want to die somewhere on that field and not know where you are. Let me. Please.”
All of this time, I could have had with him. At this moment I hate myself more than I ever have. A half-laugh spills from his lips. “Dramatic, I know. Consider it a last request, if you like.”
With that, he turns to leave, and my hand snaps out to grab his arm. “Where are you going?”
He wavers. “To get some sleep.”
