You have allies amongst the Caelumnai; one of whom is the male who sired you, but you have enemies, too. Tread carefully.
It is the smaller moments that will shape the battle you face. Know that you forge a new path instead of following one well-trodden and learn from my mistakes. Do not forsake the person you are, for the faeyte you think you should be.
Your gifts will help you. Wield them without hesitation when the time comes. And know that the gods are not the people they once were.
This is the only thing I can give you, my daughter, and I pray that it will be enough.
I am more sorry than you will ever know that I will not see your first flight. That none of this is as it should have been.
We name you Selene Amaris.
We named you for your light, and because you were promised. Nyx and Celeste chose your forename, for they claimed the right and they were right to do so. But I offer you part of mine, gifted by a once-benevolent goddess, in the hope that you will accept it.
May your bright light guide you through the darkness, and may it always bring you home.
Lucia Amaris
***
We sit in silence for almost an hour. I stare down at the letter, my mind whirling.
Esme clears her throat. “Did it change anything?”
“Maybe,” I whisper. And then I let it fall from my fingers. “Would you tell them… I don’t feel well? I don’t think I’ll go to dinner tonight.”
A hand squeezes my shoulder.
Esme says nothing. But she nudges me into bed, pulling the covers over me and smoothing my hair back before slipping out of the door.
Chapter thirty-five
Selene
The pain has no beginning, and no end.
It does not ebb, nor flow.
There is no mercy here.
Help us.
Help—
I bolt upright, my hands clawing at my skin as if I could tear free the sensation of my skin burning, flaking,ripping.
The pain vanishes as easily as it overtook my dreams, dimming in the cool darkness of my bedroom as my harsh pants fill the air.
But the heaviness remains. My breathing does not ease as I throw the covers back and stagger to my feet, my eyes searching the room. Beside me, the lantern Esme lit before I went to sleep is dark, the oiled wick long since burned to nothing.
Only shadows and furniture greet me. I’m alone, and yet—
I still feel it. That tug, pulling medown.
My swallow is painful, my throat dried by pain I can no longer feel but still remember. I run trembling hands down my shirt, my fingers gripping and twisting into the material as if trying to anchor myself.
“Just a dream.” The words barely slip out, my whisper vanishing before it begins. “That’s all.”
My feet barely hold me as I make my way to the bathing room beside my bedroom, my eyes finding the way easily as I pour water into the basin and thrust my hands into the cold water, reaching for Callan’s soap and scrubbing my hands in increasing desperation.
