“He’ll be back soon.” The words are soft. “You okay? Need anything?”
My stomach grumbles before I can speak. “Maybe… some food? How does that work? Can I call someone?”
Theo reaches for something next to him. “We bring food in with us.”
I eye him. “You do?”
He nods, focusing on unscrewing the lid of a flask. “We have some chicken soup. Or there are some meals in the kitchen down the hall I can heat up. We batch cook them and bring them in so there’s always something here.”
How much time have they been spending here?“Come here often?”
My joke falls flat. Theo measures out some soup into the top of the flask. “Every day.”
Every day?
I eye the flask. It smells good. “Soup is okay.”
He holds it out, but I shake my head. I don’t want to spill anything on the bedding. Theo waits, his face cautious as I slowly extract myself from between Max and Jake, my feet padding on the cold floor until I settle down on the floor and mirror his pose, keeping a space between us.
“I don’t understand.” Theo doesn’t say anything at first. He sets the cup down between us in a silent offer, nudging it toward me and waiting until I wrap my fingers around it.
“We worked out a rota.” He stretches his legs out, not looking at me as I take a sip. Another. “At least one of us is always here with you. More, if we can make it work.”
“But… Why bother?” My brow crinkles as I stare into the cup. “I don’t get it, Theo. I was supposed to… you know.”
Die. I was supposed to die here.
But it’s been a year, and I’m still breathing. No longer feral. Or not completely.
And they’re batch cooking meals, staying with me, bringing in clothes that smell like them. Oscar’s scent is heavy on the t-shirt that swamps me, as if he gave it to me straight after wearing it.
“You don’t want me,” I whisper. “You made that very clear.”
His head is lowered. I can’t see his expression. But the low words strike against my skin, settle into me. “I always wanted you, Ken. Even when I told you I didn’t. I was – I was an asshole.”
I swallow. “No arguments from me.”
“You wouldn’t be here if we’d stepped up.” The words shake. “This happened to you because of us. It’s our fault.”
The cup pauses in mid-air. “Brett did this to me.”
His name hovers between us. Theo flinches back. “I know. And I’m so sorry, Ken. I’m so sorry he did that to you, and we weren’t there. And for every day that followed. For all of it.”
My eyes blur until I can’t see the cup anymore, and I set it down on the floor with shaking hands. “Thank you.”
“Don’t,” he says hoarsely. “Don’t…thankme. You know how many times your heart stopped in those first days? Three, Ken. Three times, I stood there and watched them shock you, and every time, all I could think was how badly we failed you. You deserved so much better. From every single person around you.”
A tear slips off my chin. “But especially from me.”
I swipe it away, almost angrily. “What do you want from me, Theo?”
I feel… tired. So tired. And fragile enough that I collect his words, holding onto them like I need them. Like I need him. Even as part of me despises myself for it.
“Nothing,” he says immediately. “I don’t expect anything from you, Ken. I’m not here to force you into anything.”
I glance at his neck. His throat flexes. “You don’t need to worry about that.”
But… he can feel me. My emotions. Mypain.“We can’t leave a half-done bond, Theo.”
