Maybe… maybe this is all we get.
Little glimpses of Kenny. Little moments of connection to hold on to, when it feels as though our world is fucking falling apart.
Blowing out a breath, I wrap my arms around her, testing. Her breathing stutters, but she doesn’t move as I hold her a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Ken. You deserve… fuck. You deserve so much more than this.”
The tips of her claws prick my bare arm where they rest against me.
My vision mists, blurs, Kenny’s hair swimming in and out. “If you… if you can hear me, Ken. We’re never giving up on you. Not ever, you understand?”
I’ll never stop believing that she can come back from this. But if she can’t, if this is as good as it gets—
“It doesn’t matter.” The words scratch and burn. “You’re it for us, Kenny. There’s never gonna be anyone else. I don’t want this life with anyone else but you. I knew it the day I met you, Ken. Sometimes you justknow. And I know… God, we fucked up. So badly. But you’re not alone anymore. Not ever again.”
We’re gonna take care of you.
Day 331 – Oscar
Thetouchonmyshoulder sends me hurtling back. “’m awake.”
Bleary-eyed, I glance down at the desk. At the papers that cover it.Where was I—
“Here.” A hand peels away the paper stuck to the side of my face. “Looking for this?”
I don’t look at Theo as I take it. “Thanks. How was Kenny?”
“She ate.” He leans against the wall beside me. “Slept with Max in the nest. Lost her shit over the clean shirts, so we gave her ours and swapped them.”
“Good,” I mumble. “That’s good.”
“You haven’t seen her in three days, Oz.” His voice hardens. “What’s going on?”
My fingers pause as I flick through the latest stack of case studies. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit. Tell me.”
The words on the page in front of me blur into a fuzzy outline as I look down, squinting.
“Here.” Theo shoves my glasses into my hand. “You need a break. Come and see her.”
“I can do more for her here.” If I could stay awake longer than a fucking hour.
“Oz.” Theo’s voice softens. “You’re doing everything you can.”
“It’s not enough.” I snap the words without meaning to. “She’s still in there, Theo. We’re nearly at a full fucking year. I’m not doing enough.”
Every day, I’m failing her all over again.
I thought I could fix this.
I can’t. And how the fuck can I go there and look my mate in the eyes when it’s our fault?
It's our fault she’s there.
It's my fault she’sstillthere.
“It’s not enough,” I say again, when the silence carries. “There has to be something I’m missing. I’ve been through every published case study I can find. Every textbook. Every fucking online forum.”
I’ve spoken to hundreds of people. Thousands, maybe. Anyone and everyone who might have a single thread of the answer to how to fix her. Trying to weave those threads together and coming up short every single time.
