It’s pleasure, and pain, and a reminder.
I let myself stay there, just for a minute. Let my hand run through his silky-soft blond hair, the way I always wanted to. Lower, tracing the pads of my fingers over golden stubble as he looks up at me, his arms holding me close.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m a day away – less – from the Center picking me up and putting me under lock and key for everybody’s safety. And that’s what has me shifting back, away from the tentative hope in Max’s eyes.
I can cope with their derision. With their scorn. But if they love me, it makes it so much harder to go. On both sides.
Either way, I realize, I can’t win. Whatever decision I make, they’re still going to get hurt.
“I should talk to Theo,” I whisper. Hesitantly.
Max trails his hand over the back of my cheek. Gentle. “He’s probably in the kitchen. I’ll take you.”
I take a final look at the room before he leads me out. At mynest.
I would have adored this room. Probably would never have left it.
I could have had…heatsin this room. With all of them.
My cheeks color at the thought. I’ve never had to worry about it before.
I was nevermatedbefore.
And now—
I’m not a virgin. Not anymore. And the thought of it – ofthat– it crawls over my skin like a heavy weight, pressing me down. Holding me in place.
Max inhales. And then he spins. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
My fear leaks into the air, and I swallow hard, pulling it back. “Nothing. Just… it’s been a long night.”
A long year. Max studies me for a moment, brows dipping, before he slowly nods.
I hide behind him as he stands in the kitchen door. Peeking around his side, I see the three of them. Jake and Oscar both look at me, faces softening. But Theo doesn’t look up at all, his head hanging down.
Oscar smiles at me. He nods to a chair in invitation, and I slip past Max. His hand brushes against mine as he leans against the door.
I’ve been in here before. The nest is a new addition, but Jake lived in his house for years before his mom passed, the same year I met them. His eyes crinkle at the corners, a mixture of worry and warmth. “How’re you feeling?”
“Better,” I whisper. None of us lift our voices.
Maybe we’re all done with shouting.
Oscar stands. I watch cautiously as he makes his way around the table before he drops down to one knee beside me, examining my face. He holds up a hand. “May I?”
When I nod, he carefully cups my face. My lips part as he travels over my cheek, up to my forehead, and then back. “No fever.”
There’s something in his eyes as he looks at me. Something new. An awareness that wasn’t there before.
He looks at me as if I’m… fragile.
Pursing my lips, I try to remember what happened, but the hours before I arrived here are blank. “Did I win the race? What do I get?”
His lip tilts the barest touch. Almost a smile. “I think I won the race. So the prize is mine.”
I hum, glancing to Theo. He still doesn’t look up. “What do you want?”
