Burning at the back of my eyes. My throat. “I had to keep going to the library and flicking through the kids’ books. You were a demanding little shit. Never wanted the same story twice.”
Ben coughs. A hacking, wet noise that has Emilia uncrossing her legs and darting to where his head lays against the pillow. Ben grimaces as she lifts him, plumping the pillow so he’s more raised. “Jar… will you give us a minute?”
Her hand pauses, and she looks at me.
“Course.” My voice sounds easy enough as I stand.
Ben catches my hand. Squeezes it. “I love the fuck out of you, you know.”
No.
I can’t say anything. But I lean over him, my arms carefully wrapping around Ben’s frail body as I breathe him in for several precious seconds before I can speak. “I love you, too. So fucking much, Benny.”
“Your favorite brother, right?” His voice shakes.
“My only brother.” I swallow. “The only one I ever wanted.”
But it feels like the world is spinning out of control as I duck outside into the hallway, leaving them to it and slumping down against the wall. The tears come in a rush.
My head bangs against the plaster.
This is it.
We’re out of time.
29
Emmy
“Do you need the bathroom?”
Say yes. Please say yes.
Ben shakes his head slowly. “No. I think I’m good.”
“A drink?”
“Emmy.” He grabs my hand where it’s fluttering over his bedding. “Lay down with me for a minute.”
My breath catches as he slowly pushes himself over. He glances at me. “Please.”
My heart thuds behind my ribcage as I slide the railing down and slip into the bed. Ben lifts his arms enough to wrap around me, my ear against his chest.
His heart thumps. Once. Twice. Again.
But… It's slow. Soslow.
“Still here,” he says softly. “But not for long, I don’t think.”
My breath hitches. “You don’t know that.”
He sighs, his breath ruffling my hair. “Yes, I do. Don’t ask me how. But I can feel it, Em.”
I curl my fingers into the material of his shirt. Gripping him, as if I can hold him here.
I need you to stay.
“What do you need?”
