It feels as if time slows down. As if every interaction Jared and I have ever had flickers through my mind like a home movie, speeding up until they all mix together and my chest feels warm.
I’m holding my breath. His hair is wild again, rumpled from the breeze as the corner of his lips tilt up. His eyes are bright, the amber ring glimmering in the small amount of light we have.
I don’t see Ben’s eyes anymore when I look at him.
I only see Jared.
He looks down at me, and I look up at him.
“I think,” he says finally. “That you should have been mine. I think that every single broken piece of me was built to love every part of you, Emmy Marsters.”
“Jared—,”
His thumb brushes against my lips. “But… you met him first, Em. You lovedhimfirst.”
His words steal the air from my lungs as I start shaking my head.
“We both know that’s true, Em. And I can’t take away the only thing that made him want to stay,” he whispers. “Not yet. I don’t deserve you, Emmy Marsters. I never have. And I can’t stand the idea of stepping into my brother’s shoes only to give you less than he would have. Not when you deserveeverything.”
That’s not right. My hand grabs at my chest as if I can stop my heart from squeezing. “You’re scared, and I get it. But he was right, Jared. Ben was right, about all of it.”
He knew that he wasn’t my happy ever after. Not in this life. Not when we had so little time.
I know that I loved Ben Bennett. I gave him every piece of me that I had to give, and he treasured them.
ButJared– Jared is the one who keeps giving me back the pieces of myself. Building me up and carefully filling all the little cracks caused by the people who should never have put them there.
In another life, Ben Bennett and Emmy Marsters lived happily ever after.
But not in this life.
“I love you,” I breathe. “I do, Jared. And Ben – I don’t know how he knew, but he knew this would happen, and he wasright. This is our time. Our chance. It’s right there.”
I don’t even know how it happened. How I went from tolerating Jared for Ben’s sake to him being the person I look for in every room.
Except maybe I do.
All the little moments.
Love is not supposed to be a grand finale. It’s not the fairytale wedding, expensive gifts, and fireworks that light up the sky. I had all of that once, and it meantnothing.
It’s filling up my fridge when it’s empty.
Putting glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.
Carefully folding up my washing and putting it away.
Eating my cooking, even when it’s ridiculously over-seasoned.
Fixing an ugly, broken doll and making her hold a sign to welcome me home.
Picking proteas instead of roses.
Standing in front of my father and calling him out.
Mopping filthy floors so I wouldn’t have to face them.
And it’s reaching for him in my sleep - feeling his heartbeat, strong and steady and solid.
