But this was killing you. Watching me die was killing you, Jar, and that’s one thing I can’t accept.
You can’t protect me from this.
But I promise you that I’m going to take it easy, as much as I can. I’ve been on the move since I left, but I’ve found a town that looks like a postcard, and I think I’m going to stay. My apartment overlooks the ocean.
It’s not a bad view. Better than a hospital wall.
I stopped off in Yakima on the way here. I thought I might be able to visit Mom’s grave – you know, do the sad thing where you wrap up all your loose ends.
You know what I’m going to say.
She’s doing pretty well. She’s married, and she seems happy. Not so much when she answered the door, but we worked around it. She works as an office clerk, and her husband is an electrical engineer.
No kids.
She cried when I sat at her kitchen table, and she said she was sorry we never had a family.
You know what I told her?
I told her that I had a family I wouldn’t swap for a dozen mothers. A family that fought for me and kept me safe.
You’re all the family I ever needed, Jared.
You never gave up on me. You kept us together. You kept me together.
You gave me a home, and dinner on the table every night, and someone to yell at me when I stayed out too late, when I hadn’t done my homework or left my dishes in the sink.
I never felt unwanted or abandoned. Because I had a mom, a dad, and a brother, all in one annoying package. I wish you’d told me. I hate thinking of you walking around carrying that, when you were carrying so much already. I would have been okay without mom, because I had you.
I wouldn’t have chosen anything different.
I’m trying not to think about regrets, but if I have any, it’s that taking care of me has taken up so much of your ownlife. I’m scared of what’s going to happen when I’m gone. You’ve made your whole life about me, and I love you for it.
But you have so much life left to live.
I need you to be happy.
Which brings me to the reason for this letter.
I’ve met a girl.
Her name is Emilia. Emmy. And she is… she’s perfect. She looks fragile, but she has so much strength inside her that I wonder how she fits it all in.
I don’t think she sees it. But I do.
If I wasn’t dying, I’d marry her tomorrow.
But I am. Our time is limited, and we both know it.
I’ve picked my final place, and it’s here, with her.
I’ll see you again. I’m not planning to go wherever I have to go next without seeing you. But not yet. I’m going to be selfish, and steal every hour and moment that I can with Emmy. I want to love her as much as I can, before I have to leave her.
Especially because I think you’re going to fall in love with my girl.
I know you. I know all of your quirks, and the things that irritate you. I know that when you love someone, you give them everything you have and keep nothing left for yourself.
And I know you’re going to look at Emmy Marsters, and you’ll understand why she was the one thing that could make me stop running.
