Tired of trying.
Tired of giving out these little pieces of myself.
I have nothingleft.
I know Jared didn’t mean it. Didn’t mean to hurt me with his own demons.
But he did, and it hurt more than anything Arron ever did to me.
What I felt for Arron is nothing compared to my emotions when it comes to Ben and Jared, and that only makes my chest ache more.
Ben isn’t here. And Jared is broken.
God, I wish Ben was here. I swallow around the lump of grief in my throat.
Jared is drowning, and I don’t know what to do to help him.
And I think I’m drowning too.
What do I do, Ben?
The Uber driver pulls away, not bothering to wait as I trudge toward my apartment. The broken security pad greets me as I push the door open and start making my way up the stairs.
Maybe I should move. I could probably afford it. The light from the bulb above my head flickers, more off than on as my shadow jumps, stretching across the stained gray walls. The low buzz of a reality show echoes in the air from the second floor.
I’ll start looking tomorrow.
Maybe I should spend some time thinking of myself, instead of filling my time with work so I don’t have to think at all.
I take a deep breath.
Trying not to think of a dark-haired boy, sleeping on his arms alone in a bar.
If Jared wants to work this out, he knows where I am.
I’m putting myself first, for once.
And I want a shower and my bed.
Kicking off my shoes, I pad to the fridge and pull it open. Nothing but an open, curled-up packet of turkey, a few squishy tomatoes and an old jar of olives greet me. Grimacing, I avoid eye contact with whatever the green item in the corner used to be.
I really need to go food shopping.
After placing an order from a late-night pizza delivery place, I stand under the shower, letting the hot water run down my back as I lift my face to the spray and close my eyes.
He didn’t believe me.
And Arron… Arron washere. A few feet away from me.
My hands start to shake as I scrub at my hair. My face. My arms.
He’s gone.
He’s gone.
My Lia.
I can hear it, hear the way he used to say it, with a slight curl to his lip.
