Briar turns in my arms, kneeling to face me. Her hands shake as she lifts them, drops them again. “I want – I don’t know what to say.Do.”
“Stay with me.” I don’t need anything else but her. “Don’t leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She watches my face as I speak, the words coming faster now like a damn unleashed. “I pushed myself up, and I was so dizzy. I grabbed Kai. Wrapped a blanket over him, and we just ran. I knew the way, and he wouldn’t have made it otherwise.”
I still remember how weightless he felt. Eleven years old, and I could feel every rib under my fingers. Even in my panic, it stood out to me.
Smoke. so much smoke. Burning my lungs, my throat. My eyes streaming. “Someone saw the smoke, and they’d evacuated downstairs. Kai had been trying to wake me for a while when we got out. We were just in time. And River, he was on the other side of the barriers. It took three officers to pin him down so he couldn’t come in after us, and he was still fighting.” I half-smile. “Like you said. Loyal.”
She doesn’t smile back. “Your father died? And that – Katherine?”
I nod.
“And Kai?”
“He wouldn’t leave me.” I can’t smile at that memory. Not when he was so –broken. “He attached himself to me like glue. It took River weeks to coax him away so I could even use the toilet without an audience.”
“The three of you.” Her eyes are still wet. “You stayed together.”
I nod. “My father had decimated the accounts. But he’d hidden the spiral well. Nobody really knew how bad it was. The other Suits – they would have taken over, if they’d known. Gryphon, the Spades prez, would have made sure we ended up in an alleyway somewhere. So I kept it going. At least on the outside. We were still the Diamonds. Still solid.”
And on the inside, we crumbled like soil.
“I held it,” I say numbly. “I didn’t stop. River helped. And Kai – he stayed with us. We didn’t even know what to do with him. How to help him. We tried, but I’ve never heard him speak. I think he can. He just… shemadehim silent.”
“I’m glad she’s dead.” The low words draw my eyes up. Briar shakes her head. “She deserved what happened to her. And your father.”
“I visit his grave sometimes. I had them buried together. In case – in case Kai ever wanted to see her. Not so much now, but… he wasn’t always a bad father. There was something inside him, must have been, but I never saw it. Never saw that… thatobsessionthat he had for her. It drove him out of his mind.”
“You’re not the same as him.” Her words are quiet. “You’re not him.”
“But I could be, Briar. How would I even know? It was better to—,”
To be cold. Not to care. Never to get too close to a woman, not that I wanted to after Katherine. But I never wanted to risk turning intohim.
Slowly, I rake my gaze over Briar. She meets my eyes. “That’s why you wanted the arrangement.”
My nod is slow. “It wasn’t my idea. Kai and River cooked it up between them one night. But… It appealed to me. I wouldn’t have to worry about them touching me or kissing me. I wouldn’teven get to know them. And when it was done, I would say goodbye.”
My heart hurts as a small furrow appears between her eyes. She shifts, her eyes dropping to the floor. “And… you still want that?”
She’s so careful not to touch me, even now. Her hands are clenched in her lap. “When I saw you, I thought that you could ruin me, Briar Rose. That I could become obsessed with you.”
I was right.
“I wouldn’t let that happen.” Her jaw tightens. “And neither would River or Kai.”
Maybe she’s right.
“No,” I say finally. “I don’t want temporary. But… be patient with me?”
Her green eyes are bright, hope and pain and grief swimming in them. For me. “I’ll be careful with you. If you will, with me. You have to want it.”
Hope. In the middle of the filthy, soot-stained room where I lost mine, it feels like I’m finding it again. My smile is small, but it’s genuine.
“I want it. Where should we start?”
