Maybe Jenson had the right idea.
My eyes slip to the bedside table as I lay her down against the bed, her face turning to the side and her cheek pressed against the pillow. To the dark curl that I stole from her.
“I’ve taken something of yours,” I murmur. “You’re going to take something of mine.”
I don’t even know if Jenson came back, if it was too much for him, or if he’s watching as I shamelessly steal his idea and slip my fingers inside her, carefully collecting as much of my release as I can before nudging her lips open and rubbing myself on her tongue. Her lips.
I keep going. Rubbing myself on her body, her nipples, tracing her collarbones and leaving her sticky, unknowingly covered in my cum as I rub it into her skin.
When I’m done, I roll over to lay beside her, my breathing still uneven. It’s not from the sex. I could have stayed there all night, as long as I was inside Briar. This feels like something else. A shift in my brain chemistry. An alteration on the molecular level that has my head spinning as I force myself up and into the bathroom, running a clean washcloth under the warm water and trying to pull myself together before I stalk back out.
Kai watches me silently as I clean her up, wiping away the evidence of my time with her. I hate every fucking second of it.
When I’m done, the silence stretches out. I look over to Kai, the frown tugging at my lips. There’s no sign of Jenson. “You good?”
He nods. I can see the yearning in his eyes as he grips the arm of the chair, his patience pushed to the limit as he watched both Jenson and I.
Kai has his own plans. Plans that might hurt my chest, if I thought too deeply about it. Nodding, I straighten. “Message if you need us.”
I’m going to find Jenson. Something tells me he’s ass-deep in alcohol right now, and fuck me if that doesn’t sound like an excellent idea.
Kai
Istay where I am for a long time.
Watching. Debating, my breathing harsh in comparison to the sleeping girl on the bed in front of me.
I’m not usually one to hesitate. Out of the three of us, Jenson is the cautious one, the one who treads carefully where River and I tend to fuck things up first and question ourselves later.
I don’t want to fuck this up.
I’ve been watching her for hours. But she still takes my breath away as I stand, stepping silently toward the bed and pausing with my hand gripping the corner post.
The courage it took to do this. To give herself to us, to bare herself in the most vulnerable, physical way a person could offer. To trust us to keep her safe, to keep to our agreement.
I don’t know what we did to earn it. But I refuse to squander it.
And tomorrow, she’s going to see a little of that vulnerability reflected in all of us. In Jenson’s harsh, demanding words as he looked into her face and gave her all of the obsession he tries tohide so desperately. In River’s shaking hands as he held her so gently, even after stealing a part of her to keep with him.
And in me. I wonder what she’ll see. What she’ll take from this. If she’ll even get to this point, or if she’ll switch off, having seen enough to reassure her or enough to unnerve her.
My eyes slip to the red light, and away.
My hands move quickly. I don’t have the words that the others do. Even with my hands, I’m not able to articulate my thoughts as well as they can – not because of my speech, but because of my own mind. Every thought is tangled up inside my head in jagged knots, only bits and pieces able to slip free.
The mattress bends beneath my knee as I kick off my sweats and climb on, holding my breath as I lean over Briar. My fingers hovering, but nottouching.
Even as she sleeps, I don’t feel quite so alone.
I’m so fucking tired of feeling alone.
Of being ignored completely, or worse, seen as a toy to be played with and tossed aside. I’ve never been with a woman without that awkwardness. Without the expectation of something I cannot give and being ignored or dismissed when I can’t offer it.
And here I am. For the first time in my life, there will be no awkwardness. No uncomfortable. loaded silence. No dismissal, or edged questions about my speech. No swift exit as I’m still catching my breath.
In a world where women look at me like I’m different, as if the blood in my veins is any fucking different to theirs, I will settle for a night with a woman who can’t look at me at all. Who I can relax with, play with,holdlike an actual human being instead of always being left behind for something better.
It’s not sex that I crave. It’sconnection.
