“I’d heard rumors. I spent every night for months trying to find this place before they packed up and left. And every day, Erin was getting worse.”
Those memories threaten to push their way in. I close the door, slam it, press down on it as I try to get the words out. “And one night, I just… found it. They’d set up in this huge storage facility by the river. The security guards were going to kill me and dump my body in the water. But I told them I had an urgentmessage for Red, and she needed to hear it directly. She actually came outside. Said she was curious.”
She’d examined me like a prize. Walked all around me, her gown dragging in the muck from the riverbank.
Swallowing, I blink. “I begged her. Told her I’d pay any price. Give her whatever she wanted. She found me interesting enough that she offered me money to covereverythingwe needed. Everything Erin would need. Enough to clear the loans, get her into some trials and more besides. A nest egg, for her future care.”
Poison in a pretty package.
“I don’t blame you for taking it,” Alyss murmurs. “I would have done the same. You had to stay?”
When I shake my head, I half-smile at her surprise. “I said… I said no. I knew Myra wouldn’t be able to cope. And I would never have left Erin. At that point I had no idea what was happening behind the scenes. So Red offered me a contract. When Erin was better, I would come and work for her. I signed it on the spot, and the money appeared in my account that evening.”
I can’t look at her. I stare straight ahead, the walls blurring. “The next day, I paid all of the bills. Everything.”
Cold. I feel so fucking cold. “And that afternoon, when I was on my way back from the hospital, they were killed in a hit and run outside our house. The driver ran from the scene and left them there.”
Beside me, Alyss stills. “Oh god. Was it—.”
“I don’tknow,” I whisper. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
But I know what she’s saying. “I’d promised them I would be home and we would drive to the park, but I stopped off at a toy store on the way back. There was this tea set that Erin looked at every time we walked past, and we’d never been able to afford it. They left without me. It was a summer evening, and Erin didn’toften have the strength to walk longer distances, so I told Myra I would catch them up and take them the rest of the way.”
My cheeks are wet. “I got home thirty seconds after it happened, and they were still… they were trapped. I couldn’t get them out. They took them both to the hospital, worked on them, but neither of them stood a chance.”
Get them out.
Screaming, my hands burning. People rushing to help, crying.
She grips my hand.
“I waited in this small, sterile room for hours,” I whisper. “And this clock – the clock was stuck on the wall, and it made thistickingnoise. I listened to it over and over again, until I couldn’t get that sound out of my head. I even tried to yank it off, but it was bolted on.”
“Six fifteen,” Alyss whispers.
I swipe my hand across my eyes. “That’s what time it was when they told me they were gone. I… I lost it. I don’t even remember what happened next. But Red did something. She got me out and brought me to Wonder. Told me I had to fulfill my side of the bargain.”
Trapped. Grief-stricken. Numb.
“I did everything she asked of me,” I say quietly. “But I refused to lie to her. I told her every day what I thought of her. That I hated her. I even told her that one day I would kill her, just to provoke a response. None of it seemed to matter to her. She wouldn’t let me go.”
I shake my head. “I don’t even know where they’reburied, Alyss. I never went to their funerals. Wonder closed its doors, and I was locked inside.”
“You never left?” When I shake my head, I hear the confusion. “But that night—,”
The night that I met Alyss Lidell in a crappy downtown bar.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I left that night. But I had to go back.”
I didn’t think Red would ever let me go.
But if Wonderland is the only freedom I get from her, I’ll grab onto it with both hands.
“I’m not afraid of death, Alyss.” I press my lips to her palm, folding her fingers over. “I have too many I love waiting for me. But… I never wanted you to be here with me.”
She leans her head on my shoulder. “I would prefer not to die. But… I don’t know. Maybe I’m losing my mind. But I feel like I’m coming back to life here. Does that sound crazy?”
My mouth twitches up. “Maybe. You may have noticed that I’m not all there myself.”
