He clears his throat. “You know, my mother died when I was ten.”
I twist to face him in surprise, and he nods at the bottle. “Take a sip.”
My eyes narrow, but I do as he says. Buck settles back, his breath pausing when I do the same.
“It was just me and my dad then.”
He waits. I take another sip.
“I was a little shit of a kid.” He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “My dad… he tried his best. They were already older when they had me, and he struggled without my mom. We both did.”
I take another sip without being prompted.
“I started climbing out of my window at night, going out with friends I’d made.” Buck’s eyes are far away when I look over. “At least, I thought they were friends. Dad thought they were a bad crowd. And he was right. We started out innocently enough. But then it got worse. Some of them were older, encouraging us to do all sorts of shit. It started with shoplifting, went on to stealing cars. Most of them were doing drugs, although I never touched the stuff. It was like I could hear my dad every time they offered. He would have been so fucking disappointed in me.”
His laugh this time is lower. Rougher. More sarcastic. “Anyway. We ended up falling in with the Spades.”
I stiffen. He tilts his head. “You know ‘em?”
I force a shrug. “Yeah. Everyone does. I didn’t realize you were local, is all. I thought Wonder traveled all over.”
He hums. “Born and bred. The club prez – Gryphon – he started using us for jobs because the cops wouldn’t know our faces. I didn’t even realize how deep in I was. By the time I did, he wasn’t giving me much of a choice to back out.”
Buck pauses, his eyes flicking to my bottle. I force the water down my throat, even though it feels tight at whatever is coming.
“My dad…,” his voice lowers. “He tried to hide me from them. They came to the door of the house to get me, and he begged them to give a price to get me out. It was… a ridiculous amount. Impossible. It would have beeneverything– all of his savings, my mother’s jewelry, everything he had. Maybe even the house. And he was pulling it all together before the door even closed. Not even a question. He was so fucking desperate to get me away from them that he would have beggared himself to do it.”
My heart hurts.
“I couldn’t let him,” Buck whispers. “He’d already done so much. He tried so fucking hard, Alyss. I knew I’d fucked up enough.”
I slip my hand into his, squeezing it. “What happened?”
He clears his throat. “I heard about Wonder. Asked a few people. Found my way to the right person and managed to score myself acovetedticket. And when I got in there, I went straight to Red, and I asked her for a loan. Said I’d work it off.”
“She didn’t give it to you?”
“No.” He almost smiles. “She did. She actually liked me then. So we made a bargain. Twelve months. I’d stay for twelve months, and then it’d be done. So I took the money and went home.”
His voice cracks, as dread roils in my stomach. “Buck—,”
“He was on the floor,” he whispers. “They’d come back while I was gone. They took everything that was worth anything. Anything that wasn’t nailed down. Even his damn wedding ring was stolen, straight off his finger. And they – they’d pushed him down the stairs and justlefthim there.”
I squeeze his hand, words failing me. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugs, but his eyes are bright. “I went back, but Red said a deal was a deal. I had to stay. So I spent that night and all the nights that followed propping up the bar, spending that loan money on forgetting what a fucking awful son I was. We moved on soon enough.”
“How… how long ago was that?”
His smile is anything but amused. “Three years ago.”
My brow furrows. “But the twelve months…”
“Red doesn’t like to let go of her toys once she has them.” He lifts my fingers, playing with them. “The first time I asked, she told me I was too much of a mess to have worked anything off, and I had to get sober first. Then she passed me another bottle. It became… a routine. I tried to get out sometimes, when I’d sober up. Sometimes she’d even let me think I had, before her men dragged me back. The last time we were back here, I made it all the way home with them following me the whole time. It was stupid, but… I just wanted to see it again. To see our photos. My mom and dad. I got in one glance through the window before they were on me. Red laughed herself hoarse when they told her about it.”
Pain. So muchpainin his voice.
My heart constricts. His throat bobs. “There was another family living there, anyway. All of our things were gone. I don’t know what happened with the sale. Gryphon probably interfered, took the money.”
