Her voice wavers and drops away. “It was so very difficult, you see.”
The small scoff is audible.
“I think we’re ready to eat, Ellen.” Silas flicks his fingers, and they begin to carry over the plates. We settle into the rhythm of formal conversation during the first course, and I keep my focus on Ella. Keep her glass topped up, entertaining her with stories and jokes, Kit chiming in with just enough regularity that her attention is torn between us. Keep my voice low, my body turned towards her.
By the time that dessert comes out, her cheeks are flushed, her voice embellished with a slight drawl from the amount of wine she’s consumed. Crispin is ten sheets to the fucking wind, his eyes hazy and words slurring even from across the table.
So I lean over, my finger tracing her arm. “Was the meal to your liking, Your Highness?”
Goosebumps pop up in my wake, and she looks up at me. Her eyes drop down to my lips. “Oh,” her voice is breathy. “Yes. Very much.”
“Excellent,” I purr. “And perhaps a tour of the house, after dinner?”
Stasi slams the plate down in front of Ella, and a few drops of cream spatter against the scarlet dress, staining it.
Ella leaps up with a curse, rounding on Anastasia. Any sign of the sweet, soft princess disappears under the savage flash of temper that twists her face as she raises her fist. “You nasty littleidiot.”
And I jump from my seat as Stasiflinches.
Silas holds his hands out, sliding between them with his back to Stasi. “My sincerest apologies, Your Highness. Anastasia – go and get a cloth. Now.”
Stasi takes a step back, then another before she turns and nearly runs from the room. Ella grabs a napkin, dabbing at the silk.
“I’m sorry for making a fuss.” Her whisper is shaky. “It’s just – bad memories.”
She pulls the napkin away, offering us a tremulous smile before she draws herself up. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit the bathroom.”
She glances at Crispin, but he just pours himself another glass of wine as she leaves.
Kit is on his feet too, and we lock gazes. Silas nods in silent agreement when we turn to him.
And we follow.
36 – Stasi
Istumble from the room, blindly turning towards my bedroom instead of the kitchen. I close the door and press myself against it, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths.
I need a minute.
More than a minute.
I need to not go back into that fucking room tonight. I don’t want to watch them with her, don’t want to see Rafe’s hand touching herfuckingarm.
And the smug look in Ella’s eyes as she looked at me, the knowledge between us, her silent message that she has won and I havelost– is almost too much.
And them. After everything – I thought we had made progress, that they were starting tosee– but if tonight has proved anything, it’s that all I am to them is a commodity. Something to pass the time with.
Silas hasn’t even looked at me, when last night he didn’t look away while he wasinsideme.
“Stupid, Anastasia,” I breathe. My vision blurs, the prickling at the back of my eyes threatening to spill over. “So fucking stupid.”
Everything that I thought we had, that we were staring to find again. It all feels like ashes in my mouth, nothing but a package of pretty lies.
And I have to go and face them again. Another round, another knife in my chest.
But they’ll be leaving soon. Dinner will be over, and Ella will leave.
Another hour, maybe two at a maximum.
