He stares at me for a moment. “Maybe that’s not a bad thing.”
No. Maybe it’s not.
Maybe we could all do with a little change. And as I leave, I decide to find the person I suspect is responsible for my older brother’s softening.
After a phone call to an irritated Laz to confirm his attendance this evening, I go on the hunt.
And when I find her, I have to smile at the irritated mutters coming from the bathroom.
“Fuckingmen. Disgusting.”
I wince, but I slide my head around the door. Stasi is on her knees, scrubbing the inside of the shower cubicle. Her head whips around to stare at me, and then she looks back down at her work. “What do you want, Rafe?”
But she doesn’t sound as fierce as she normally does. A little cautious, perhaps.
I can’t say that I blame her. “Can I… speak with you?”
She continues her scrubbing. “Do I get a choice?”
“Yes,” I say softly. “I’ll leave, if you would rather I didn’t.”
She turns back to me, then. Strands of hair cling to her forehead, and she pushes them back as a crease appears between her eyebrows.
“That makes a change,” she says, watching me. I wait for her to toss the sponge into her bucket and get to her feet. “What is it? Is Kit okay?”
The sudden concern in her voice for my twin makes my throat tighten. “He’s fine. Everything is fine.”
“Oh.” She wraps her arms around herself. “Okay. Well… I’m listening.”
Sliding my hands into my pockets, I rock back on my heels. “I’m sorry, Stasi.”
Her head jerks up, and she regards me warily. “You’re sorry? What for?”
I hesitate.Everything, I want to say. It’s on the tip of my tongue.
But… I’m still not certain. Not certain enough to offer her that part of me.
Not when she already broke it once before. Whatever happened that night… she still lied to us. My father brought Angelica, broughther, into our home, and they lied to us over and over again.
But there are still some things I need to atone for.
“For making you believe that I would ever ask you to fuck me in exchange for favors,” I say quietly. I don’t sugar coat the words. “Ineverwant you to think that we – that I – would take advantage of you like that, while you’re here.”
Stasi swallows, still hugging her arms around herself. Her cheeks flush lightly. “I… I didn’t really think you would. But it still hurt, Rafe.”
Fuck, if the small shake in her voice doesn’t hit me straight in the chest. “I will never, ever say it again,” I say hoarsely. “And I never want you to feel that you aren’t safe here.”
She looks at me, then. “I do feel safe here. Even if…,”
She stumbles over the words. “Even if I’m a - a servant. I know… I understand things are different now. And this is your home.”
“It was your home, too, once.” The words slip out, and she tips her head back. For a moment, I see the pain on her face.
“No, it wasn’t,” she whispers. “Maybe it felt like that. To both of us. But I was always just… passing through.”
I don’t want to have this conversation in the doorway. So I stroll over to the bench opposite it, taking a seat and patting it.
“Please,” I say, when she hesitates. And when Stasi settles beside me, I take a moment.
