It feels physically painful to tear my gaze away from him, to roll over and give him my back.
“No more apologies, Tristan. I’ve got a collection, and they don’t mean anything.”
He inhales. “I deserve that. And you deserve a lot more than what we’ve given you.”
I squeeze my eyes together. “Yes, I do.”
I might not be a hotshot future Council leader, or a superstar in the making. I didn’t design a whole building when I was fourteen, and I sure as hell can’t draw for shit, despite years of trying during my training.
“I am worth more than this,” I say just as quietly, both of us keeping our voices low. “I might not seem like much to you, Tristan. But I am worth more.”
My voice breaks at the end of my words. A low growl ripples through the room, making me jump.
Tristan’s voice is furious. “I hate hearing that you think that. It’s so opposite from the damn truth—,”
I spin around, my refusal to look at him forgotten in my anger. “What the hell am I supposed to think?” I demand hotly. My voice rises, filling the room. “You have pushed me away and rejected me at every single stage of these Trials, Tristan. You’re all giving me whiplash with your mood swings, and your changing minds. Just tell me what the hell you want from me!”
“Everything,” he says. He almost sounds defeated. “We want everything from you.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t. You made that really fucking clear when you turned away from me – at our Bonding Ceremony – and kissed another woman, Tristan.”
My chest aches. “We are supposed to be fated. Soul Bonded. Chosen by someone higher than us to be together, to be perfect together. And you threw it back in my face.”
“Sienna.”
“No.” I push away his hand when he reaches for mine. “No, Tristan.”
My stomach pulses in a low thrum of pain as I put distance between us.
“I don’t believe you,” I say brokenly. “Every time I do, it breaks me a little bit more when you prove that it’s all bullshit.”
He closes his eyes. “I did this. I know I did,” he admits. “It’s the last thing I wanted, Sienna. I swear to you. I want it all with you. If I could take it back, I would, but I am asking you to forgive me.”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” My lips feel numb as I force the words out. “This isn’t something I can just walk away from.”
His face drops, those eyes of his darkening. “Do you want to walk away? From us?”
I drop my eyes to the bedding. “I should.”
But I can’t say the words out loud. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. I don’t have a choice but to see this through, not when Elio confirmed my suspicions that the pain I’ve been feeling isn’t just because I’m out of sorts.
I need them. I physically need them to survive.
I don’t mention it to Tristan. I don’t think he knows, and the last thing I need is for that to be used against me.
Or for them to take me on because they have to.
I think I’d prefer the alternative than living my life shackled to a group of alphas who want someone else.
I refocus on Tristan, taking in the furrow in his brow, the press of his lips. “Where is Alicia?”
“Going,” he says immediately. “She’s leaving tonight, Sienna.”
“Wow.” I laugh, a bitter, broken sound. “So you’ll just toss her aside because you’ve suddenly decided on me?”
Tristan looks a little bewildered. “I thought…,”
I know what he thought. And I hate that my chest leaps at the idea of her leaving, at them turning their backs on her.
