“I know,” he growls. He kicks open the door to my room, standing in front of my bed. His hands tighten where they hold me, my shuddering sobs filling the room. “Tell me what I can do to put this right, Sienna. Please.”
I have to force myself to breathe through the pain in my stomach, my chest, the burning all over my body. But my heart, that’s the most painful of all. Like Tristan’s taken a knife and slashed it straight through every hope and dream I ever had for my mating.
“You can put me down,” I finally say quietly. “And leave.”
His voice shakes. “I don’t want to let you go.”
I stiffen. “Then use your bark, Tristan. Make me stay with you. Like a little puppet.”
He flinches. Then he sets me gently, so damn gently, on the bed, his hands grazing mine as he pulls them away.
“I’ll make this right,” he says softly. “I swear it, Sienna.”
I move around, painfully slow as I lay down on my side and give him my back. “It will never be the same,” I say tiredly. “Never, Tristan.”
He doesn’t respond, but the door closes a few moments later.
My vision blurs as I stare at the wall, the dam inside me breaking as I cry. For the choices we’ve made. The pain in my heart. And the future we could have had.
It lies in ashes and ruins. I can’t see a way forward, but we’ll need to find one, if I want to stay alive.
But there’s one thing I’m completely certain about. They will never be mine, not completely. They have shown me that over and over again, and I’m finally listening.
And I willneverbe theirs.
53
TRISTAN
My back rests against the door, listening to Sienna’s broken sobs. It feels like there’s a sinkhole in my chest, growing bigger by the second. Swallowing everything inside me up until all that’s left is darkness.
I’ve made so many bad choices in the last few weeks that I don’t even know what’s left.
Movement thumps to my left, the sound of footsteps. I stay where I am as Jax comes into view, his battered knuckles clenching as he sees me.
“Get the fuck away from her door,” he growls.
He’s careful to keep his voice down as he advances on me, squaring up to my chest. Where once I might have given it back, I don’t have the energy right now. All of my focus is in the room behind us.
I meet his familiar eyes. The gap between my pack and I has widened into a chasm, all of us clinging to different sides. I don’t know how to fix it.
I didn’t want this.
But it’s where we are, regardless.
“She’s exhausted,” I mutter. “She needs to rest.”
Jax pulls back, his face a mask of disbelief. “Are you seriously gonna fucking lecture me on her wellbeing? Fuck off with that, Tristan. Give her some fucking space.”
“I am.” I take a step towards the stairs, pausing for long enough that Jax loses his patience, shoving me forwards. My shoulders tense, but I swallow down the urge to bite back as I make my way slowly down the stairs. I keep my eyes down as I pass Gray and Logan, both of them hovering in the hallway, the few steps to reach my office feeling like an eternity.
As I settle behind my desk, the piles of paperwork draw my gaze. Working my ass off every day for the last five years hasn’t gotten me anywhere. My pack hates me, my father is disappointed, and my Soul Bonded…
My mate thinks I’m an abuser.
I used my bark on her. Held her down, forced medication into her that she didn’t want.
That’s exactly what I am.
