“I…ah. I found something that might help during your heat.”
Oh.
Taking it, I gingerly peer inside. “Is it pills?”
“An injection. But you can take it yourself as soon as you start to feel… unwell. It should make you sleep for the duration.”
“Okay.” My voice is subdued. “Thanks, Tristan.”
He rocks back and forth on his heels, his eyes scanning me. “Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
My breathing speeds up as I shake my head.
I haven’t changed my mind, no matter how kind they’ve been to me in the last few days. This pack still doesn’t feel like mine in my head, even if my heart is crying out for them, the Soul Bond a constant thrum in the background. I’m always aware of them, aware when they’re not here, when they’re close.
“I still have time to decide, right?” I force a smile. Tristan’s eyes widen, and he nods slowly. “Yes. Absolutely. We’ll go with whatever you decide.”
He falls into step next to me as I start the trek back to the house. The gardens are a maze, what feels like dozens of different paths splitting off, something different down every single one. I’ve found fountains, sculptures, even a bike shed that’s clearly Jax’s domain, smothered in his heavy scent.
“What time are you leaving?” I ask. The council meeting is happening this afternoon, all of them leaving to attend. I’m trying really hard not to let on how much I don’t want them all to leave me. My rationality is slowly sliding away as my heat creeps closer, making me crave things like hugs and shirts and fuzzy socks.
Ireallywish I had fuzzy socks.
I’m kind of regretting not taking Tristan up on the offer of his black card when we went on the disastrous shopping trip. What use is the moral high ground when my toes are bereft of cozy comfort?
He hasn’t touched me since then, aside from the comfort he gave when the Council letter arrived. Logan and Gray have progressed to small touches, brushes of their hands against mine, and Jax has absolutely no boundaries whatsoever. But Tristan is a closed book.
“Soon.” Hands tucked in his pockets as we walk, he looks down at me. “Do you need anything from us before we go?”
I shake my head. Maybe he’d touch me if I told him I was struggling. But I shouldn’thaveto tell him. Should I?
I grew up watching my parents fall more in love with each other every day. Two halves of the same soul. So completely entwined with the other that it almost felt like they were psychic.
I don’t feel like that. Not even a little bit.
So, I bite my tongue as they leave, as Tristan nods formally, Jax ducks in to kiss me on the forehead, Logan squeezing my hand and Gray brushing against my arm.
“It’ll be okay,” he assures me. “We’ll be back soon.”
I force a smile as he turns away from me and strides down the steps. I stay where I am, watching as they climb into Tristan’s car and it pulls off, moving at a slow crawl through the open gates. None of them turn their head, my waiting hand dropping to my side when it becomes obvious that none of them would see me wave.
That’s fine. They have a lot on their minds.
The nerves I’ve kept bottled up tightly in front of them spill out, my legs starting to shake as I head up to my room. I’m still not completely comfortable in the nest, the enclosed space of my four-poster bed helping to get me through the pangs for somewhere safe.
Yanking the curtains closed, I curl up under the covers, trying to keep my breathing even. I only last a few minutes before I push them back off. I’m toowarm. My hair sticks to the back of my neck, damp under my fingers when I reach around to pry the strands free.
Sliding back out of bed, I shuffle into the bathroom. The shower feels too hot, and I have to turn it down until it feels cool against my overheated skin, closing my eyes in bliss.
It’s an effort to get out, even when my skin is covered in goosebumps, but the moment I do, it’s like I’ve stepped into an oven.
Great. I almost want my heat to get here so I don’t have to go through these weird-as-fuck symptoms every other hour.
Reluctantly, I crawl back into bed, forcing my eyes closed. I’ll sleep this little episode off. By the time I wake up, the pack might even be back, everything sorted out.
47
TRISTAN
