“I’m fine,” I hiss. “Stop fussing over me like I’m a child!”
“You’re not a child, brat,” Luc challenges, his eyes gleaming. “But you’re sure as hell acting like one right now.”
I suck in a breath as hurt laces through me, even though our cross words are my fault. Sagging onto the trolley, I bury my face in my hands, eyes burning.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’swrongwith me.”
“Are you kidding?” Max’s words are incredulous, and I peek through my fingers at him. “Sweetheart, look at everything going on. Everything with the compound, and the pregnancy, and even us.” I start to protest and he holds up a hand. “Stop,” he insists, just enough of an edge to his voice that I fall silent. “You’ve been to hell and back. On top of that, you’ve got our whole pack to contend with. That alone is enough to exhaust anyone, without anything else coming into it. The trauma you’ve been through isn’t going to go away overnight.”
Flinching, I turn away. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Really?” Max lifts my chin up. “You think we don’t hear it when you wake up in the night? When you hide away in the bathroom and cry?”
My chin wobbles as my stomach drops. “I didn’t think you knew about that.”
Max brushes his nose across mine. “It kills me,” he says roughly. “It fucking kills me to know that I can’t fix this for you, Ava. I would walk through the seven circles of hell for you, love. I would fight any battle, tear down anybody who tried to hurt you.”
He presses his finger softly against my chest as my breathing stutters. “But I can’t heal what’s hurting in here.”
A tear falls out of my eye, and he leans in to kiss it away.
“Lean on me. Onus,” he pleads, and Luc nods silently behind him, his arms crossed over his chest. “I promise that we are strong enough to carry some of your worries for you. If you want to talk, to cry, to sit in silence and stare at the wall, to laugh. I just want you to come to one of us when you’re feeling down and let us take a little of that weight for you.”
My eyes slide between Max and Luc, and they both watch me with determined expressions.
“I… I don’t like relying on you,” I admit. “It makes me feel weak.”
Luc sits beside me, and I rest my head against his arm with a sigh. “It’s not weak to lean on the ones you love, brat,” he says gently. “To reach out your hand when you need help is one of the strongest things you can do.”
Biting my lip, I consider his words. It’s true that I’ve been holding back from them. Not completely – but enough that they’ve noticed. Nerves flicker in my stomach as I gather my words.
“I feel nervous when you watch me eat,” I whisper. Both of them swing their heads to me, but I keep my head down. I want to get this out before I lose my nerve.
“It doesn’t feel right. Like it did with the bed,” I continue, and Luc closes his hand over mine with a soft squeeze. “I have bad dreams every night. About the compound, Jason, something happening to us, to Nash… it feels like when I close my eyes a reel of the worst moments of my life play on a loop.” My voice cracks. “And I’m scared of giving birth.”
I glance up at Max. Those words were the hardest to say. “Max, I know… things with Emery didn’t go well.” I swallow. “And I don’t want you to feel responsible if – if something goes wrong—,”
Max is on his knees, his arms wrapped around me in a split second.
“God, Ava,” he chokes. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
Frowning at him, I lift up my chin and hold his gaze. “Yes, I do. This isn’t a one-way road, Max. Holding out a hand goes both ways.”
He swallows, and I smile a little sadly. “It’s hard,” I murmur. “Isn’t it?”
Max’s face clears, and he holds out his hand to me. When I take it, he moves forward until his face rests on the curve of my stomach.
“I failed her,” he whispers. “I did everything I could, and it wasn’t enough. I didn’t have the right equipment, and she was losing so much blood. Sometimes I wash and wash my hands, but I can still feel it.”
There’s a sound in the doorway, and I lift my head up. Nikolai looks back at me before his eyes drop to Max, his blue eyes dark as he watches his friend with a hopeless expression. Bastien stands behind him, his hand on Nik’s shoulder.
“I wanted to save them both,” Max’s voice shakes. “God help me, I would have given anything to save her. I loved her like she was my own sister and I couldn’t – I couldn’t--,”
Nikolai strides into the room as I cup Max’s face, moving my thumb softly up and down his jawline. “You did the best with what you had, Max,” I murmur.
Nik kneels beside Max, and he flinches as they stare at each other. “I’m sorry,” says Max hoarsely. “I’m so sorry that it wasn’t enough, Nik.”
My blue-eyed alpha watches Max with damp eyes. “You did your best, brother,” he says gruffly. “You nearly broke yourself trying to save her, and my son is alive today because of you. You all gave up your entire lives to keep him safe. I have never blamed you because this was not your fault.”
