“I asked him to court. He said no,” I said, sheathing my blade. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Did I not tell you romance was a fool’s game?” He said.
Lowering my head, I reluctantly agreed. I’d caught glimpses of real love that others shared, whether romantic or familial. But it would never be mine.
“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Seth said softly. “The kid clearly cares about you. Some of us have known loss, and are . . . reluctant to lose anything again. Maybe that’s true for him.”
“Maybe,” I said, turning and walking away. Following the sea breeze, I returned to the bluff.
Whisper followed me, tail thumping against my leg as he peered up at me. Unable to resist his big brown eyes, I reached down and ran my hand over his fur.
Someone marched toward me. I whirled around, intending to tell Seth togo away, but instead found Seraphim standing behind me, a frown etched on her face.
“I hope you’ll forgive me,” she said. “I listened in.”
Embarrassed, I looked down, but Seraphim gently tilted my chin back up.
“It’s true. Loveisa fool’s game.” She said, staring into the sea. “Some think it makes you whole, but it doesn’t. It creates a new warmth, nestled deep in your breast. And losing it rips a hole of its own. Death and parting are inevitable. Who but fools would pursue it nonetheless?”
“Are you saying it’s not worth it?” I asked.
“No, dear. The opposite.” Seraphim lowered her hand and kneeled, plucking a dandelion from the bluff. “What do you want to see, when you look back, at the end?”
I blinked, watching the waves. In my dreams, I saw a house, a family. But it was a dream, faded, foggy. What did I want to see with my waking eyes?
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Not this, I’d imagine.” Seraphim turned, twirling the flower between her fingers. “Not a life enslaved to the Guild. Not one full of regrets, of emptiness.” She raised the flower to her lips, blowing its petals across the water. “There will always be pain along the path. But I would not trade my time with her for anything. Nor would I undo my regrets, or forge a different course. This ismylife. What, when all fades to naught, I can claim made meSeraphim.”
Touching the flower, I repeated her words in my head, deciding if I felt the same.
She touched my cheek. “The pain of today will not define tomorrow. It will still come.” Dropping her hand, she tilted her head. “C’mon. You should get something to eat before we move on.”
Nodding, I watched her walk away, stealing a few more moments by the shore. WhatdidI want to see, when I looked back, at the end?
My life had been meaningless, but it needn’t remain that way. We walked toward oblivion, wielding magic that seemed to cost my very life. My end was inevitable, and it was coming soon.
But I could go out withpurpose. I could, at the very least, help Eleos find the cure for this world’s decay, even if I could not stop it myself.
A shadow fell over me, and I looked up to see Seth standing at my side. Burying his hands in his pockets, he pulled out the strange little knife he’d bought at Red Bluff Outpost.
I no longer wanted him gone. Seraphim’s words had blanketed me in a sense of finality. Of solace.
“You spend a great deal of time worrying,” Seth said, fishing a stick from his other pocket. “What you need is ahobby. We can’t fill all the idle hours with training.”
“I never had time for hobbies,” I said, watching him with interest.
“Well, now you do. Hours of camp,” He studied the stick and scraped the little knife along it. “Night watches. Long rides.” Theknife dragged down the wood again, peeling off the bark. “It’ll help calm you on days like these.”
“You carve wood?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I whittle,” he corrected, shrugging. “It gives the hands something to do.”
Folding my arms tightly, I watched the waves. “I have no idea what I like. As a child, my every moment was focused on surviving, and as an adult, I spent all day working.”
“Hm.” Lowering his knife, Seth studied my face. “I should get you a book, next time I get a chance.”
“A book?”
