Sixteen
RUBY
AFTERGLOW
Before I came downstairs, I knew what I wanted from Amari but didn’t have the words to say it out loud. After my shower, I stood in my bathroom mirror and held my hand over my belly, imagining what it would be like to have a precious life growing there again.
I inhaled and exhaled, allowing the stillness of the morning to speak to me. What was I feeling? After several more breaths, I knew what it was. Peace, the kind the elders in my family spoke of.
I wasn’t afraid of what the future might look like. I wasn’t afraid of Amari, but I was afraid of me.
Did I have the capacity to navigate a healthy relationship with a man and a child? Would one get more love than the other?
I squeezed the washcloth in my hand and held my head down with my eyes closed.
“You can do this.”
I wasn’t sure what “this” was, but I had to figure it out sooner rather than later.
By the time Amari and I shared coffee and assorted pastries, I had admitted my fears about what was happening with us. We were finally on the same page about the direction of our situationship. Whatever this was wouldn’t end with the storm. It couldn’t. As I reconnected with him, observing his gentle eyes and the comfortable silence that was becoming our norm, I didn’t want him to leave.
“You don’t have to go. I enjoy your company.” I spoke as clearly and steadily as I could, displaying an uncharacteristic boldness that I hoped told Amari how serious I was about him.
To my satisfaction, he embraced me and kissed the top of my head. When he rested his fingers on my back and pulled me into him, I laid my head on his warm chest.
“You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon. When I leave your home, I’ll be back, not just for the repairs to this home but to repair your heart. I promise.” Amari lifted and kissed my hand.
I was more than smitten.
“I’d like that.”
Amari picked up his phone.
“My friend Malcolm texted that they cleared the roads. Since I have my truck, I’m going to check on a couple of folks this morning. You good?”
I nodded, confident that Amari was telling the truth and would contact me when he could.
“Call me anytime, and I’ll come running back to you.” He reached for my fingers. “This is only the beginning.”
“I believe that.”
As our magical time together ended, I still felt peace but also a twinge of sadness that we had to return to the real worldwithout each other. Who would have guessed that a simple business call could transform my life so completely?
With a final kiss that had me ready to pull Amari back to my bed, I walked him to the door.
“I’ll miss you.”
The words slipped from my tongue as easily as motor oil.
Amari leaned down and whispered into my mouth, “Same. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
When we kissed each other for what had to be the tenth time this morning, Amari walked out of my house. I leaned against the door and pressed my body against it, still tasting his sweet lips and smelling cologne that was soon becoming my favorite. As the engine of his pickup truck turned over and the roar of his motor faded into the distance, I finally opened my eyes, believing that what Amari and I had was an authentic foundation for something special. Nothing about our time together was a fantasy.
When Amari left,I went to my basement and pulled out LaRue’s baby scrapbook along with other keepsakes from her short life. I brought them to my bedroom and sat on my bed, thumbing through each item and allowing myself to feel every emotion when I saw them. I cried and eventually smiled as I put everything back in the box and processed my time with Amari.
More than any other time since LaRue’s death, I wanted to move on. Ihadto move on as a thirty-three-year-old woman whose childbearing years would one day end. I needed to decide what the next phase of my life would be.
