Trace focuses his eyes on me and I wait with bated breath for his response.
“I did come back, Olivia," he starts and my heart plummets. "You’re right, Iwasavoiding you. I had just lost my fucking sister and I was still struggling with the fact that you had kissed Jensen the first time. But the day after you were released from the hospital, there were so many things I wanted to say so I went to your dad’s house. That’s when he told me what happened to you, about your memories and…” he trails off, reaching for my arm and I shiver.
“And what, Trace?” I ask, patiently letting him form his next thoughts.
“Your dad is the one who told me to leave you alone,” he admits and my heart drops. I mean, I know my dad never really was too fond of Trace, but that's just because he was bad boy, and he had a sour taste in his mouth after finding out what his parents were into. And to be fair, he didn't love Seren either. Buteven my dad knew I needed Trace after everything. I remember damn near begging him to let me find him before I attempted to do so myself. I remember telling him and the detectives that my memory with Trace was one of the only ones I'd been able to recall, not that I detailed it out for them. But now, I feel hate sink into my bones.
“Why would he say that?” I ask, wondering if he might have given a good enough reason to justify that request.
“He told me that I might trigger something that could do more damage," he admits and it infuriates me because I know that…
It hits me. The second kiss that Trace witnessed, the one that I thought was our first. But if he's saying he came to my house and . . . I look up to find Trace analyzing me, watching me as I put the pieces together.
"I stalked around to the back of the house to your bedroom window. That’s when I saw you and Jensen on your bed. That’s when I realized that I had already fucking lost you, Olivia.”
“Did you even stop to consider the situation, Trace? Did you stick around long enough to see that I pushed him off me? That I wasn't interested?”
“I shouldn’t have had to, Olivia. You made a promise to be mine and you’d clearly forgotten that. Twice.”
“The first time was out of my control. I can't truly explain that, Trace, and I'm so deeply sorry. But that second time, Jensen came to my house to check on me after I got out of the hospital.Hecomforted me.Heshowed up. I accepted his concern as friend but I was so fucking distraught, I can see how he might have misread my needs and kissed me but it didn’t last formore than a second, Trace and then I pushed him off. That’s what happened. I was angry and hurt because I needed someone who wasn’t showing up for me. If you would’ve just fucking shown up for me…” I let my words trail off, hearing the pain drip from them. “He took advantage of me and instead of being a fucking man and approaching me about it, you just left?”
“You claim he took advantage of your emotional instabilities, Olivia, yet you still proceeded to date the asshole for years after. Do you have any idea how fucking hard that is to swallow?”
“I needed to do something to get you out of my head. You were gone and he was always there for me. Everyone in this town has made me feel like I'm fucking delusional for what I can't remember that night andhenever made me feel that way."
"Oh, should I be fucking thanking him then?Thank you, Jensen for taking advantage of my emotionally unstable girlfriend. Thank you for swooping in and saving the day. Thank you, Jensen for fucking the girl the only goddamn girl that I have ever been in love with while I watch her slowly fade away.Is that what you want, Olivia?"
I hate the way this feels. I hate knowing that all of this . . . this misunderstanding, has led to his pain. I can feel it deep in my core just how broken he is. It makes sense why he transformed into someone who craves pain, forged by my deceit.
I take a step back, feeling defeated. I know nothing will make up for the suffering he'd been put through. Not just because of me but because of the death of his sister too. But what about me? It's clear we bothneeded each other and I was just forced to deal with it alone.
"I called you and I texted you, every single day," I say, threading the desolation I still feel while thinking about it into my words. "I was going crazy trying to come up with answers, dealing with Deck's and Seren's death, wondering why you left. I even went up to the college a few weekends after everything just to find out that you had dropped out. You dropped everything, Trace. Your football career, your academics. You moved off campus and didn’t leave a forwarding address. You left everything behind because-”
Trace stalks toward me, my eyes barely being able to adjust to the darkness. But he steps into me and wraps his hands around my face with his heated and possessive grip.
“I didn’tleaveeverything behind, Olivia. It was fucking taken from me.”
I gasp, anchoring myself to the passion I still see exuding from his hazel eyes.
He sighs as he lets his hands drop, a sign of defeat that makes me feel like my heart my combust in the worst way.
“I can't. I need you to remember,” he tells me, defeat layering his tone and I feel a tear start to fall down my cheek once more.
“Tell me what the that means, Trace. Please.” I know there's more. There has to be.
He wants me to remember what? Remember more than I’ve already seemed to recover? Squinting my eyes and pushing past the barriers in my mind, I try to penetrate the locks. To access the memories I seemed to have archived. But then it hits me.
Realization causes me to look up at him, causes me to pinch my brows and succumb to the betrayal that seems to root and grow.
“You know, don’t you?” I whisper, my voice so quiet, it’s a wonder he can hear me even in the dead silence blanketing us. “You’ve known all along haven’t you? You know what I’m missing”
“I do.” His admission comes quickly and without doubt, causing my fucking heart to seize and my veins to shiver.
I can’t tell if it’s anger, frustration, elation, confusion, or what. But everything feels too big to explain and I know that it’s starting to overwhelm me once more. “You've known this whole time?” I start only for my tone of voice to rise in anger. “How could you put me through all of this? Why the hell would you keep it from me?”
I’m still shadowed in darkness, but I take a chance. I take a gamble, rearing my hand back and estimating where his face will be before I swing my hand out to slap him.
And I fucking hit. The sound echoes as my palm strikes against his face and he hisses, reaching up to grab me by the wrist.
