“If you’d just stay put, that wouldn’t happen,” I tell her as I stuff my bag with clothes.
“But I won’t stay put, Trace. Sorry, but I’m eighteen and I want to go. Everyone else is going and I-”
“What business do you have up there?” I stop what I’m doing to face her, feeling myself get a little frustrated with her incessant need to fight me on this.
“What business doyouhave up there?” She asks me right back. I just roll my eyes and go back to my task. I don’t have fucking time for this. “Right, so can I go? I’m sure my invitation got lost or something. Olivia got one and there’s no way I’m staying down here while she’s up there having the time of her life.” She steps up and walks further into my room, her hands laced together against her chest in a show of pleading.
I flinch at the mention of Olivia’s name, only because I know that her invitation comes from me. She wasn’t supposed to get one but only because her brother didn’t want her going up. I couldn’t fault him for it, seeing as he’s just as protective of Liv as I am of Seren, so I feel a bit hypocritical for disobeying his wishes to make sure Olivia makes it up this year while telling Seren she can’t go. But I need to see Olivia.
I have to face my sister, knowing that my reasons for not wanting her up there aren’t as valid as I’m making them out to be, but I’m also aware that she’s not been herself lately and I’m kind of worried about her.
“Seren, I didn’t want to say anything, and please don’t take this the wrong way. But I can tell you’re dealing with something. And up on that mountain, it may seem harmless but people get real fucked up inthe Pines when this weekend comes around. I’m not going to be able to have my eyes on you all weekend to protect you from whatever transpires.”
My sister has been hiding something. I don’t know what. But I recognized it in her a few weeks ago; her whole light dimmed. Like someone blew out her candle and she can’t get the flame to relight. She’s doing a good job at pretending that everything is okay, especially right now. But I have not been blind to the fact that she’s battling with something and I don’t want her to get caught up in the moment like most people do in the Pines. It could be detrimental. That, and I know she won’t even talk to me about it, and us Kavanaughs have addictive personalities. Just ask our mother who is currently drugged out in some halfway house, I’m sure. We don’t really handle things the healthy way, we fall victim to the vices that stem the flood of pain, grief, and anything else that feels like it’s too much to bear the weight of.
I know Seren. She’ll get herself into something too fucked up to fix and I can’t let her fall like the rest of our family has. It’s why I’ve stayed around and made sure that my act is as straight as it can be. That, and I also have someone else who is worth keeping my mind right for. Though, I am not at all a saint. I do what I have to do to get what I want. I just do a better job at keeping those I love out of that mess.
“Well, good thing I don’t need your protection,” Seren starts, ignoring the fact that I just admitted to her that I know that she’s struggling with something. But I know she’s too stubborn to face it, which is why I haven’t asked her about it. “Besides, the only person who’s capable of truly hurting me is myself.”
I turn to look at her, raising a suspicious brow at her words and wondering what the hell she means by that. But she doesn’t let me have more than a second to process it before she clarifies. “I mean, I’m made of fucking stone, big bro. Nothing can hurt me.” She plasters what looks like a genuine Seren smile across her face, her brown eyes glistening in the white light of my bedroom.
I don’t respond to her though. I’m not going to keep entertaining her antics right now. Though, after a few moments of me ignoring her, she reaches out for my elbow and lowers her voice.
“I just want to say goodbye to everyone. I know that might not mean much to you. But I have a best friend who's going to miss me and friends who don't even know I'm leaving. I don't want to leave without finality." I raise my brows in confusion at her words, but shake it off, deciding I probably just misheard her.
I stop what I’m doing, letting my head fall to my chest.
“So you’ve made up your mind?” I ask as I turn to face her.
“Yes, and this is my last chance to tie up the loose ends. I also have to send my stalker my forwarding address," she quips and I know she sees the look on my face morph into unpleasant concern. But she giggles. "Joking. Joking," she chants. But something tells me she's not joking. "Please, Trace. Just let me go. I swear I'll never bother you about anything ever again.” She holds her pinky out and I don't accept it, because it's not a promise I want her to keep.
Seren wants to free herself of this town. I don’t blame her. Indigo Pines is the kind of place that if you don’tleave, you’re pretty much going to be stuck here for life. And she and I don't have the best memories here. Both of our parents are addicts to something they cared about more than us and knowing that they’ve lived here their whole lives just further pushes our need to get the hell out.
I had to stay for Seren after our parents got themselves carted out of here. And I have a future with football that could provide for my little sister for the rest of her life. It’s the only reason why I’m still here, trying to pick up the pieces. I’m here for Seren.
And for Olivia. She doesn’t know it yet but they both need me. Especially after Olivia just lost her mom to cancer not long ago and her brother seems to be spiraling out of control. But my relationship with Olivia is a complicated one, which is why I need to be in the Pines tonight. I need to convince her to stay.
She and Seren are planning to leave next weekend. My heart fucking hurts thinking about the two girls I love most just up and leaving. Seren was the one who told me of her plans a few weeks ago, but only after I saw the lease agreement to an apartment out of state sitting on the printer. I had to confront Olivia who told me she wasn’t even sure if she was going to go or not. I tried not to be angry with her, but I’ve been so fucking patient with her need to keep us a secret. But this is something that I don’t think I can let slide. I can’t let either of them make this kind of decision when I know that I can give them everything they need.
I know Seren might be mad at Olivia if I can convince her to stay, but I just need them to stick around until I can draft into the NFL and then they can have all the freedom they want.
But I sigh, knowing that I’m going to give in to my sister’s request. If Seren really is leaving, I want her to be able to tie up those loose ends she’s talking about. But I hate that I’m giving in because I’m just looking out for her and I don’t like the idea of her being up in the Pines this weekend.
I turn to look at her, her eyes widen with hope and I open my mouth.
“Alright then. Let's go,” I say to her and her smile brightens the room more than I’ve seen in weeks.
She leans up and presses a kiss to my check before turning around and skipping out of my room.
It's not long before I pull my motorcycle into a small clearing before the first clutter of cabins come into view. Sure, it’s dangerous to have driven it up the mountain, especially with Seren seated behind me, but I tend to take risks that can get me into trouble and we make it up before the second wave of snow covers the roads. That, and it’s my only form of transportation. Nothing was going to keep me from being here this weekend.
I look around, spotting a beat-down yellow Beetle parked between the trees which only excites my urges even more. Olivia is here.
Seren and I get off the bike. I see her taking what looks like a folded up letter out of her back pocket and stuffing it into her backpack as quickly as it takes me to remove my helmet.
“What’s that?” I ask, curious as to why she seems frantic in her pursuit to shove it away.
“Oh, it’s just some paper I have to work on. No big deal.” She paints a smirk on her face, but I know it’s crafted from a lie, because being my little sister tendsto mean we pull the same expressions every now and again, so her attempts to hide things from me don’t get past me very often.
