That was five years ago when we first started seeing each other. I hate that thoughts of him are starting to resurface now. He was like a drug back then. And like all addicts, you have to learn to kick the habit sooner or later, before it consumes you. Mine was stripped from me. Cold turkey. I guess it was better that way, though.
"Olivia!" I hear my name being aggressively shouted from right next to me and I jerk, realizing that the flame of my marshmallow has burned all the way down to the stick, working its way up toward my fingers rapidly.
Alli rushes to grab it and helps me shake the flame out, deciding to toss the stick into the firepit altogether.
"That was close!" she exclaims, hands on her knees while panting in panic.
I look back over to Jensen to see that his eyes are on me, causing me to huff in irritation because I’m sure he’s probably thinking that I zoned out while watching him be flirty with the girl in front of him. If only he knew what’s been going on in my head lately.
"I must have zoned out.” I turn back to Alli. “I told you I was tired," I say playfully as I shrug my shoulders, trying to excuse the real reason why I wasn't paying attention.
Alli looks at me like I’m crazy before taking a very big swig of whatever she’s got in her cup, which I know is likely water or some kind of non-alcoholic juice because she doesn’t drink.
I get up from the log I’m sitting on, trying to decide if I'm going to grab another marshmallow or not. But before I have time to make that decision, someone wraps me up from behind and starts to kiss my neck. I flinch, turning around and not even thinking twice before throwing my knee into the groin of whoever is behind me.
"Jesus!" Jensen immediately hunches over in pain, groaning at the contact I'd just made.
"Shit," I say.
"I always knew you were a feisty one, Liv." He tries to joke off the assault as everyone turns to analyze the interaction.
His voice is hoarse, mimicking the pain he's probably experiencing. "It's okay, I'm fine," he announces as he stands and holds his palms up in the air.
"You shouldn't sneak up on anyone like that, Jen. What the hell are you doing?" I shout at him in a scolding tone. I don't care to apologize for my actions, because honestly, I think they're rather warranted considering I didn't know it was him coming up behind me. But I do feel kind of bad that he’s on the other end of my reaction.
"You're right. I'm sorry." He plasters on a false smile, because I know I kneed him hard. "At least I know my girl knows how to handle her own shit." He chuckles.
I'm not sure why I do it, but I look behind me in the direction of the girl that he was chatting with earlier and see that she's now talking with a group of her friends, whispering in each other's ears while looking our way.
“I’m not your girl anymore, Jen. You can’t do stuff like that.” I look at him but with caution because I’m fully aware that people are looking at me and I’m pissed that he thinks it’s okay to put us on display like this.
"You know I was just having a conversation with her, right Liv?" He pulls me in gently and whispers into my hair. I try to avoid the cringe I feel coming on as he does so, knowing that he's had a little bit to drink but he needs to stop treating me as if we’re together. I’ve been lenient about it because we dated for so long and the breakup is fresh, but enough is enough.
"That doesn’t bother me," I say, pulling away from him.
A despondent look falls on his face and part of me wants to feel for him. I’m sure he’s hoping that I do care and that we’ll get back together, but that’s never going to happen.
Jensen leans in as if he’s going to pull me closer to him once more, but then he catches his movements and stops.
I know he's always been there for me, and he’s never required more out of me than what I’ve given him. But despite all of that, he’s not who I need right now.
"Ay yo, Jen! Ready for the lanterns?" I look over to see Banks waving over at him from a group of girls and I’m grateful he tore Jensen’s attention away, saving me.
Banks looks at me and smiles. Something I can’t say he’s ever done before. At least not to me. But I return the smile, grateful that maybe he recognizes I need to put some space between Jensen and I.
"Yeah, man. Hey, everyone!" Jensen shouts over the top of my head as everyone quiets down. "Start heading to the paper lantern landing." He spins his finger in the air to mimic a winding tornado, signaling them to flock elsewhere.
Everyone sets off in hoots and hollers as they start parading out of the area and through the trees.
Jensen looks at me, hope painting his eyes, like he’s barely mourning the loss of me and our relationship. But I break eye contact and he dips his head before turning to leave.
"Wait up!" I hear Alli shout from behind me as I follow the rest of the crowd down the path.
It takes a few seconds for her to catch up, but when she does, I can already hear the lecture in her tone.
"Girl, you need to set some ground rules because it didn’t really like you two were broken up back there."
A few people run past us, cheering and hollering as they do.
