I make a face. "It's fine. I mean, I love the company's mission, because sustainable fashion is important. But my ex worked there too, so now it's... complicated."
"Are you going to look for something else?"
"Maybe. I don't know." I take a sip of wine, feeling the warmth spread through my chest. "I've been so focused on my relationship, on trying to make someone else happy, that I kind of lost sight of what I actually want."
Joel's expression softens. "What do you want, Nina?"
The question hangs between us, loaded with more meaning than it should have. I could tell him about career ambitions, about wanting to move to a better apartment, about all the practical things I should want.
But sitting here in his warm kitchen, eating food he made with his own hands, feeling cared for in a way I haven't felt in so long—what I want is dangerously close to sitting right across from me.
"I want to matter to someone," I say quietly. "Really matter. Not as a project to fix or a disappointment they're stuck with. Just... as I am."
Joel sets down his fork, his eyes locked on mine. "You matter, Nina. More than you know."
My heart hammers against my ribs. "Joel—"
"Sorry, that was—" He runs a hand through his hair, looking flustered in a way I've never seen him. "I just mean you're important to Alexis. To our family. We all care about you."
Right. Of course. That's what he means.
"Thank you," I manage. "That means a lot."
We finish dinner making careful small talk about Alexis's job, about Joel's practice, about anything except the tension crackling between us like static electricity.
After we clean up, Joel washing, me drying, he suggests we watch something in the living room.
"Nothing heavy," he says. "Just something to wind down."
We end up on opposite ends of his massive sectional couch, Christmas Vacation playing on the TV. I'm tucked under a throw blanket, my feet curled beneath me, trying not to stare at Joel's profile in the flickering light from the screen.
He laughs at something Chevy Chase does, and the sound is so warm and genuine that it makes my chest ache. When was the last time I felt this comfortable with someone?
"This is nice," I say without thinking. "Thank you for... everything today. I know you didn't sign up to have your daughter's heartbroken friend show up early."
Joel turns to look at me, the TV's glow playing across his features. "I'm not babysitting you, Nina. And you're not just Alexis's friend."
"No?" My voice comes out breathy.
"No." He holds my gaze, and I can see him waging some internal battle. "You're—"
His phone rings, shattering the moment. He glances at the screen and his expression shifts. "It's Alexis."
He answers, putting it on speaker. "Hey, sweetheart, you at the airport?"
"Dad, I have bad news." Alexis's voice sounds stressed, with announcement chatter in the background. "They just canceled my flight. There's a massive blizzard hitting the East Coast—they're saying it's going to be historic. Everything out of LAX to anywhere east of the Mississippi is grounded."
My stomach drops.
"When's the next available flight?" Joel asks, his voice calm and measured.
"That's the thing... They're saying this storm is going to last through Christmas Day. The earliest they can get me out is the twenty-sixth. Dad, I'm so sorry. I know you were looking forward to having us both there."
"Don't apologize for the weather." But I can hear the disappointment in his voice. "You'll get here when you can."
"Is Nina there? I know she's probably freaking out—"
"I'm here," I manage. "And I'm not freaking out."
