"That was harder than I thought." She looks at me. Not telling her about us."
"We will tell them. After Alexis. One thing at a time."
"I know. It's just—" She takes a shaky breath. "This is real now, isn't it? Not just us in a bubble. Real life is going to intrude. People are going to have opinions. My parents, your colleagues, everyone."
I pull her into my arms. "Let them have opinions. I don't care what anyone thinks."
"You say that now."
"I mean it." I tilt her face up to mine. "Nina, I've spent too many years caring what other people think, living my life according to everyone else's expectations. I'm done with that. I want you. And I don't care who has a problem with it."
We finish eating and migrate back to the couch, and Nina insists we watch Christmas movies. We end up watching The Holiday and I spend more time watching her than the screen. The way she laughs at certain parts, the way she tears up at the emotional bits, the way she curls into my side like she belongs there.
Because she does belong there.
"Joel?" she says during a quiet moment in the film.
"Hmm?"
"What happens after we tell Alexis? I mean... what is this? What are we?"
I tilt her face up to mine. "What do you want us to be?"
"I want..." She takes a breath. "I want this to be real. Not just a Christmas fling because we were snowed in. I want to date you. Properly. I want—"
"Everything," I finish. "You want everything."
"Yes." Her eyes search mine. "Is that crazy?"
"No." I kiss her softly. "Because I want that too. I want to take you to dinner. Want you to stay over on weekends. Want to wake up with you every morning." I pause. "I know the age gap is going to make some people uncomfortable. And the fact that you're Alexis's friend. But Nina—I don't care what anyone else thinks. I want you in my life."
"I want that too," she whispers. "All of it."
"Good." I pull her into my lap, and she straddles me, her hands framing my face. "Because I'm not letting you go."
She kisses me, and it's different from the desperate, hungry kisses earlier. This is slow and deep and full of promise. This is a kiss that saysforever.
Later, Nina falls asleep in my arms, and I lie there in the dark, listening to her breathe, feeling her warmth against me.
I'm forty-eight years old. I thought I'd missed my chance at this—at real love, at partnership, at waking up happy every morning. My divorce made me think I was the problem. Too boring. Too old. Not enough.
But Nina looks at me like I hung the moon. She laughs at my jokes and listens to my stories and makes me feel like the most interesting man alive. She challenges me and comforts me and drives me absolutely wild.
And tomorrow I have to tell my daughter that I'm in love with her best friend.
The thought terrifies me. But as I hold Nina close, feeling her heart beat against my chest, I know it's worth the risk.
Because this woman in my arms? She's worth everything.
I fall asleep thinking about our future: about waking up like this every morning, about bringing her coffee in bed, about building a life together. About making this permanent.
About making her mine forever.
5
Nina
The storm has finally passed. I wake up wrapped around Joel in his bed, and for a moment I just lie there, memorizing the feeling. The weight of his arm around my waist. The steady rise and fall of his chest. The way I fit perfectly against him.
