Today was his wedding day. I didn’t sleep at all last night because of it. So many emotions rushing through me had my mind all over the place. On one hand, I was happy for him because he was happy, but on the other hand, I was sad for myself because I knew in my heart that I was the woman he should have been marrying.
I followed behind the small, intimate crowd that made it all the way to the Cayman Islands to witness this moment. At leastthat was something to look forward to because I had always wanted to visit here.
Havoc was adamant that he didn’t want to get married in New York and so whisked off out here. I would admit, it was a good choice. A beautiful place—perfect for a wedding. My wedding.
I took a seat in the corner away from the rest of the people. There were only about twenty of us who made it. I looked over at Shakur sitting with his dad and a portrait of his mother. Behind them was Oblique, and a few people from the crew. Up front Sincere sat with Lennox. Over the weeks, his health had deteriorated so much that he looked frail, but there was no way he was missing this day. Plus, his doctor felt like the warm weather and cool breeze would do him some good. He sat there, right at the front of the church, looking like a proud father. He and Havoc had definitely bonded more over the time they’d spent together. It was nice to see.
Although Orlando was doing his best to act like a doting father, Havoc stayed away from him.
The rest of the people were either on Kairi’s side or with Havoc—people that I didn’t know. As I looked around at them all, I wondered how many of them would have come today if I was the bride. I didn’t have any friends or people that I would have personally invited.
The rest of the family I had disowned me once my parents were lowered into the ground. I was on my own, the only person I had was Havoc.
Just as I thought of him, he entered the church looking like a million dollars in his white suit. A fresh haircut and two huge diamond earrings just made him look like money. My best friend had always been beautiful to me, but right now, he just seemed to shine that much more.
I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I watched him head to the front. On his way, he caught my eyes and smiled a wide, beautiful smile at me, instantly capturing my heart, letting me know that the feelings I had for him were true and pure. He then greeted Sincere with a hug and took his position at the front with the pastor.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was just so perfect and beautiful to me. I could feel my body reacting, screaming at me to go join him at the front—in my rightful place.
“Could we all rise as the bride enters?” the pastor said. I stood to my feet along with everyone else. The doors opened, and Kairi appeared. I couldn’t hate; she looked absolutely breathtaking in the mermaid-style dress she was wearing, showcasing her tiny waist and wide hips. I looked down at myself, trying to find the differences in our bodies, but couldn’t. I looked just like her, maybe even better in my opinion, so if he could like her, why not me?
I dropped back down in my seat, my mind on one thousand. If it could easily be her, then it could be me too. Was it because I never told him? Never took that step to claim him like she did.
To me, it made sense. We were best friends—nobody knew him better than me, so that meant nobody could love him better than me. I knew all there was to know about him. I was the perfect match for him, and he was to me.
The sound of the pastor talking sounded muffled to me, like the parents fromCharlie Brown, as I got lost in my own thoughts.
It wasn’t that Havoc didn’t love me, he did, it was because I never told him! That was why he loved me like a sister, because he thought that was how I saw him too. It was finally starting to make sense. He chose Kairi because he didn’t know that I loved him—loved him in the way I knew that he loved me.
That was why he said he would fight any nigga over me. That was love. Romantic love!
I sat there as the realization hit me. He and I were made for each other, and it was my moment to fix what was wrong. He belonged with me. I felt my hand itching, shaking as my mind compelled me to put my hand up and tell him how I felt. That was all it was going to take.
I hopped up to my feet, ready to say what I’d been holding inside for years, but confusion hit me when I saw that everybody else was up on their feet too.
Were they on my side, too, objecting to this wedding?
I instantly smiled until I looked to the front to see that everyone was on their feet to watch Havoc kissing his new wife!
My heart shattered into a million pieces. I’d missed it all. Missed my chance to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life—no of my life.
I watched as my heart kissed Kairi as if he loved her, but he didn’t; he loved me.
I knew he did because why else would he keep me around him for all these years? So many other friends had come and gone, but no matter what, Havoc never let me go.
Tears spilled over my cheeks, and I closed my eyes, knowing I had made a mistake. I walked out of that church, feeling alone for the second time!
It had been a long time since I found myself drowning my sorrows in the bottom of a liquor bottle. But there was no other way for me to get rid of my thoughts and the voices. The voices that were telling me I’d made a mistake. The voices that ridiculed me and called me the fool that I was.
How could you sit there and watch your future marry someone else?
I had to be a different type of stupid to do that. I had so many opportunities to stop this, and I didn’t. Why? Because I’d convinced myself that Havoc would one day wake up and see the mistake he was about to make. That was the foolishness that I’d convinced myself of when the truth was, he was waiting on me to tell him. Waiting on me to make the first move.
I flicked my eyes up and turned up my lip when I saw Kairi dancing with her hands all over him.
She’d snuck into our lives right under my nose, and I regretted not getting rid of her. I should have known that Ocean wasn’t enough to do that.
I simpered just watching her smiling like shit was sweet. If only I’d put this pussy on him like my mind told me to, she wouldn’t be standing there with him right now.
