“I want you!” I blurted out, cutting him off.
Havoc had just left, and I didn’t feel compelled enough to go after him. I hadn’t even been around him like that since we all came back, but for the past week, my mood had been fucked up just because Shakur refused to talk to me. Whatever I thought I felt for Havoc was nothing compared to the thought of Shakur being with someone else.
“I ain’t got time to play with you,” Shakur said and backed up from me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me.
“I’m not playing. It’s you,” I said.
He stared me in the eyes, and I hoped mine showed him that I was being serious.
Shakur grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me close to him before pecking my lips.
“We got shit to talk about,” he said. I nodded.
“I know, and I’m sorry. He’s the first person that I clung to after my parents died,” I explained.
Shakur looked away from me for a few seconds and then looked back at me.
“I hear you, Trini,” he said, but I knew that I had to show him. As I looked at him, I smiled and finally buried the love I thought I had for Havoc.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
MAKARI “HAVOC” SANCHEZ
TWO NIGHTS LATER
Tonight was the memorial for Sincere, which I decided to host at his recreational center. It was the first thing he opened after taking over the streets, and I thought it was fitting as a place to remember him.
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that he was gone. Although I’d known he was sick and that it would eventually take his life, I’d deluded myself into believing he would still be around longer than he stayed. The only thing that brought me peace about it was knowing I was there for his final moment and that he went peacefully in his sleep.
I was just glad I followed my intuition to be there that final week because I had no idea that he would leave me so soon.
Everyone came over to give me their condolences. I felt like a proud son seeing how many people came out to say their goodbyes. As I looked around the room, my eyes landed on Kairi.
She and Sincere had bonded over time, so I knew I couldn’t keep her away. The drive here was a silent one. There was so much to say, yet nothing at the same time. She wanted to talk tome about it, I knew it in the way she would draw her breath as if she was thinking about what to say first, but she never did. I, too, had a whole lot to ask her, but I just couldn’t.
My heart wouldn’t allow me to speak to her because every time I saw her face, I saw my brother, who shouldn’t have died. I was living in a mental war, and I couldn’t see the end.
As I continued to stare at her, I noticed she looked pale—a little gray compared to her usual brown skin. It had me wondering if our situation was making her sick or if it was the guilt. If there was something else, she hadn’t told me.
Her eyes glistened as she stood there staring back at me. My heart wanted to believe what she said. That it was an accident, but my rage just wouldn’t let me.
Instinctively, I wanted to go over to her, to pull her into my arms and fight to find a way out for us, but I stayed in my spot. Our eyes locked on each other as if we were the only two people in the room. If only things could be that simple, for it to be just the two of us.
For some reason, I made one step forward, allowing my heart to lead the way.
“Havoc, it’s time for your speech,” Lennox approached, stopping me in my tracks. I continued to look at Kairi before I nodded and walked away.
I took my place on top of the stage and grabbed the mic. The room silenced, and everyone gave me their attention.
My chest expanded with pride as my eyes danced around the room, taking in all the faces that held Sincere in such high esteem. I knew that everyone in this place had a connection because of him and would miss him just as much as I was going to.
“Thank you all for coming, I truly, truly appreciate it, and I know that Sincere would, too.” I started smiling as I looked out into the sea of people. Then my eyes met with Kairi’s again. Asudden pang of pain circulated through my body. This wasn’t how I expected things to be after we got married. We should have been standing side by side and not opposite. I held her gaze for a few seconds before I put my attention and mind on what I was there to do. She and I will just have to wait.
I somehow made it through my speech and came down from the stage. By now, things were starting to wind down as guests gave me their final condolences before going their way.
Shakur and Oblique ensured the rest of the guests left until it was only us left. I let the cleaning crew come in, and then I went to find Kairi.
She was sitting out in the foyer with her head down, but she lifted it when she heard me approaching.
