“They don’t know.”
“What?”
My lips quiver as I hold back a sob. “We never told them.” My voice is but a whisper and I’m not even sure he heard me.
“Why not?” He’s abrupt and straight to the point.
Gulping down another wave of nausea, I continue. “First I didn’t want to say anything because it was Cami and Vaughan’s wedding, and I wanted the focus on them. Then it was because it was probably just a fling. But after four months–”
“Four months!”
“Yes. Then you and Nix had that fight and all I could think waswe need to help fix this before we can tell people about us.I didn’t want to do it without you there. You’re my family, Bish.” I hear a faint sniff on the other end and that sends my tears falling. “But now, six months later, Hayes has finally had enough. And…he’s gone.”
My chest feels like it cracks open, my heart bleeding out onto the ground below my feet. I’ve felt heartbreak and loss, but never have I felt so completely decimated as I do after last night. I’ve heard the sayingyour heart is walking around on the outside of your body, but never really understood it.
“I’m scared that if things don’t work out with us, I’ll lose the family of friends we’ve so lovingly built over the years. I don’t know what to do.”
“Be honest, Cat. You have to be honest with yourself, with Hayes, and with everyone. That’s the only way to feel whole.” The pain in his voice is still very strong, weeks later.
“And what if it all comes crumbling down and I lose him?”
“You have to quit thinking it’s going to fail. If you think it, then it will happen. You’re giving this relationship an expiration date before you’ve even given it a chance. Stop getting in your own damn way and just be happy. Trust me.”
I sniffle and wipe away the tears that have begun to slow. “Is it worth it, Bish?” I ask.
“Is what worth it?”
“Love?”
With a long sigh he replies, “One hundred percent. If I never talk to Nix again –which will break my heart– as long as I have Anais it will all be worth it.”
Tears begin falling again and the lump of sorry’s clog my throat. “You’ll always have me, Bishop. I’m your family and I promise to always be here.”
“Back atcha, kiddo. Love you, Cat.”
“Love you too. And I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you and I failed you. It won’t happen again. I promise you.” I rub my chest, feeling like I need to piece it back together.
“You don’t owe me an apology. I understand. Things are tense and you all are caught in the middle. Now, go get your man.” He chuckles as do I and we hang up.
I finish my coffee, swipe the last remnants of tears away and tell myself to buck up, buttercup. Like Bishop said…
It’s time to get my man back.
18
HAYES
Ihaven’t moved in twenty-four hours and I don’t know if I’ll move in the next twenty-four. Walking out of Vaughan’s last night felt like I was dying. Like all the air was being ripped from my lungs and I couldn’t catch a breath. The only thing I could manage to do was get myself home and pass out in bed.
I even missed my workout with Beaux because I just don’t have it in me.
What is wrong with me?I feel like a gullible chump. I believed Cat time after time when she told me “not yet”, “soon”, “I love you”. I kept hanging on, thinking she meant it when she said we were only holding out to have all of our family together to share the good news.
What an idiot I was.
I may be in love, but I won’t stick around to continue to have my heart stomped and made to feel insignificant. I’m a lot of things, but a fool…is sadly now one of them.
I sigh and roll over, pulling the fluffy comforter over my shoulders and burying myself further and further away from the world. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can wake up in the new yearand I would’ve slept through the heartache. Anything to get over feeling this heartache.
