“Jolly Rancher?” They both say.
With a shrug I run my nail through the grooves of the metal ladder, pretending to be nonchalant. “Yeah. You know, because he’s the easy going, happy guy that everyone loves and he’s a rancher, so…Jolly Rancher.”
Vaughan and Hayes grow quiet then startle me with their loud cackling. Hayes holds on to the ladder for dear life, and Vaughan is bent over, gripping his stomach and eyes shut. I thought the nickname was funny, but I don’t think it warrants hysterical laughter.
“What’s going on?” Cami skids to a stop, worried she’s missed something, and rests her hand on her belly.
“Cat,” Vaughan snorts. “She-she called Hayes a…” laugh, laugh, snort. “She called him a Jolly…” guffaw, tears, sweat. “A Jolly Rancher.”
A loud burst of laughter echoes through the vaulted ceiling and now Cami has joined in. My composure breaks and I can no longer hold it in. The laughter starts low and slow and rapidly turns into a loud roll. We drag it out for another minute before drying our eyes and catching our breath.
“Oh, that’s good. Ah, I needed that.” Cami swipes under her eyes and rubs her belly. “Now I have to pee. Jolly Rancher. That’s a good one.”
Cami walks past us with Vaughan following, heading in the direction of their bedroom. I look up at Hayes still standing at the top of the ladder and he winks.
“Sorry,” I tell him. “I freaked when I heard Vaughan, and it just came out.”
He shakes his head and reaches up, hanging the mistletoe from the clip he mounted under the staircase. “I don’t mind one bit darlin’. In fact, I feel honored to have a nickname of my own. Normally everyone just calls me H, or Vaughan’s younger brother.”
Slowly he begins to descend the ladder until he’s standing in front of me again. His fingers discreetly touch mine and I trap my lip between my teeth.
“Did you hear what I said before Vaughan walked in?” I nod my head. “Do you have anything to say to that?” Another nod. “Tell me.”
“Why don’t we talk about this later where there aren’t a number of people who can come walking in and overhear us. I can drive home then Uber back up here, and–”
Hayes drops his hand and steps away from me. “It’s been five months, Cat, and we’re still hiding. Why don’t you want to tell everyone about us?”
I rub my finger across my forehead, trying to relieve the tension that is building. “I don’t know. I just...What if this,” I say, waving my finger between the two of us. “Is all because of the sneaking around? Like teenagers forbidden to see each other, you know. And the minute everyone knows there goes the excitement, the thrill of it all.”
“Are you serious right now? You’re holding back for fear that we’ll only exist in secret? I just fucking said I love you and your response is to tell me that you don’t think this is real.”
“I didn’t say that. I–”
“You sure as fuck did. Maybe not in those exact words but the message was clear. You know, for someone who complained about being lonely and wondering when you would find your person, you sure are oblivious to the fact that he’s standing right in front of you.” Hayes moves around me and heads for the family room where the rest of our friends are.
“Hayes. Wait.” I dart after him but he doesn’t stop.
“Hey Viv. I’m not feeling well. Can you tell Vaughan and Cami I went home?”
“Oh no. What’s wrong?” Vivan sets the box of glass icicles down and rushes over to him.
Viv says she’s not the motherly type and doesn’t want kids, but the way she reaches up and places the back of her hand on Hayes’ forehead is Mom-ming 101.
“I think it’s all of the desserts catching up with me. I guess I didn’t need to taste them all.” Viv’s mouth turns down and she rubs his arm.
“Yeah, four pieces of pie, rice pudding, pecan cookies, and homemade caramel were a bit much for one person.” He passes her a boyish look and drops his head. “Feel better, H. I’ll tell Cam and Vaughan you went home.”
“Thanks, Red.” He hugs her and moves swiftly to do the same to CeCe and shake the hands of Luca and Nix.
When he gets to me he refuses to even look me in the eye. He gives me a cold, terse hug and foregoes his usual flirtatious banter. I watch him take his jacket from the entry closet and place his hat on his head before gripping the handle to the large doors and opening them.
Say something dammit!I know I need to, but the words are stuck. He’s right. I do want love and I have been searching for my person. And I know, without a doubt, that Hayes is that person. So what is it that’s holding me back from just saying it? It’s a question that I can’t understand, much less answer.
Hayes looks over at me and walks out, closing the doors behind him with a resounding clunk.
If I can’t figure my shit out soon, I’m going to lose my happy ending before I even get it.
12
