“It’s not rude, it’s a good question.” I paused, and she waved her free hand, wanting more of a response. “I’m going to keep seeing him.”
“Then why are we pouting, and why are you here and not there?” Another good question. Jemma put her glass down and jumped up, hands on her hips, foot tapping, impatiently waiting.
“Because I need to think.” And thinking is all I have been doing since I left his house. “I’m an over-thinker. You know this.”
Jemma frowned at me, and I looked down at my hands, wrapping my hands around my glass before putting it down and twisting my fingers together. She knew all too well about my overthinking. It took me three months to decide on a new laptop I wanted once I was able to afford a new one. It was chronic in every part of my life.
“Is this about Parker?”
My head shot up, and my eyes met hers.
“Fuck no.” I gave back to her immediately. As much as my anxiety about being in a relationship was popping up from being with Parker, this decision to really consider what Ryker had told me had nothing to do with him.
“I had to ask.” Her hands shot up in defense. “As much as you’ve moved on from him, I know things linger with you.”
“Fair.” It wasn’t, but it was. Parker had played a big role in my panic attacks about making decisions in my life. He’d fucked me up good, and it had taken so long to be able to just say that I wanted to listen to some of my favorite music when I was in the car with someone else. I shook my head, knowing in my heart that none of this had anything to do with him.
“Then what is it about, hun?” Jemma sat back down next to me and grabbed my hand.
“Ryker is nothing like Parker. Nothing. But fuck if I’m not scared. This is not something that I thought would come from him, yet here it is. And I still want to see him.” I took a deep breath and continued. “I’m worried that he might see me just as the game writer and not me, but I also know that’s silly, but he’s a part of this world I am in, and he will always be. If something bad were to happen between us, he’d always be there, just like Parker is. I’d never be able to run away from him.”
“Who said that you’d ever need to run away?” Jemma countered.
“I’m trying to be realistic.”
“And I’m trying to say, what if you just let your heart win on this one?”
Silence engulfed us again.
What if I just let my heart win on this one?
“I think I’m falling in love with him.” The words were barely a whisper, but Jemma heard them. I knew because of the smile that was plastered on her face. Like she knew all along.
“And I think that’s exactly what you need to tell him when you see him again.”
“You think?” My shoulders sank. I hadn’t taken this big of a leap in a relationship in forever. Telling someone I love them. Letting them have a chance at breaking my heart.
“You’ve been open with him, and he’s now wanting to be open with you.”
“That’s also what I’m worried about.”
“Explain.” Jemma requested.
“Last night I laid out my past, how we got here to Westfield, and then tonight he tells me this after barely wanting to tell me anything the night before or at the farmer’s market. I’m worried he feels guilty and that he might not be doing this because he wants to, but because he feels he has to.”
“Those are some pretty valid feelings.”
I took a deep breath and released. The room looked disheveled from my writing antics over the last few days. I probably should have cleaned this afternoon before heading over to Ryker’s.
“I see your mind spiraling.” Jemma waved a hand in front of my face.
“Isn’t this the point of the book where the reader is yelling at the pages because the girl is letting the guy off too easily for lying to her and hiding who he is?”
I scoffed. Oddly enough, this situation would probably work really well in a book. I grabbed my notebook on the coffee table and a pen.
“We are not doing this right now.” Jemma snatched the notebook out of my hand and placed it behind her back. “You are not going to second person yourself into a real-life experience you are having. No matter how stressful this is, we are going to talk about it and get you back over to that man’s house.”
“Maybe not tonight,” I said.
