“I see all of that, Ryker.” She took a step toward me and placed a hand on my chest. The simple gesture relaxed me. “But why now? We’ve been talking for weeks. I feel like that’s enough time to tell me you game.”
I took a few deep breaths before I spoke again.
“It’s not that easy to explain,” I started, and Odette opened her mouth to speak, but I put my hand over hers and squeezed. Her mouth shut, and I continued. She wanted me to explain, so I would. “Only a few people know about all of this. I had almost every intention of never saying anything, but after the other night, I knew I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t hide this part of my life, because it is a huge part of my life. It’s my job. It fills most of my days, and you would eventually learn that.”
I waited in case Odette had something to say to that, but she just nodded her head at me.
“Beckett didn’t want me to tell you so soon, but I trust you. I trust this and know that I had to tell you. You’re in this world, and so am I. It would have become evident at some point. I said that I want to be with you, Odette, and that’s true, but I need you to know who I am before I let that become a reality.”
She nodded a few more times and looked around the room again, then her eyes landed back on me. She searched my face for I don’t know what.
“So, who are you?”
I stilled at her question. For most, it would have been a simple answer, but while I’d shown her this room and pieces of me, somehow saying my gamer tag out loud wasn’t happening. The words were stuck in my throat as I stared back at her. I could feel my palm starting to sweat around her hand.
There was no going back after this.
Odette took my ever-growing silence for her to continue.
“What, are you worried I won’t like who you are? You’re scared that I’ll think you’re like all the other gamer boys?” She let out a laugh and removed her hand from my chest, waiving it in the air at everything in the room.
“What, are you like CovertRetriever or something?” Her laugh deepened. It sounded like the more the words came fromher mouth, the more ridiculous they sounded. “No one even knows who that is.”
I should be saying something.
Anything.
But no words were coming from my mouth as I watched her look around the room and then up to me again. I had no idea what look I had on my face, but suddenly Odette’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ and her eyes went wide with realization.
The hand she’d been waving around the room now covered her mouth, and she took a step back.
I moved the mouse next to my computer and typed in my password.
All three of my monitors came to life; the setup from earlier today was still on the screen. Editing software, my streaming service signed in, and a list of upcoming streams to prepare for. I selected the streaming service window and enlarged it to fill the screen before selecting my profile.
In large letters was my screen name.
CovertRetriever.
It was there in plain sight. She could see that the comment she had made wasn’t so ridiculous. That it was real. That I was him.
“Did you know who I was at the award ceremony?” Her question was valid, but it still caught me off guard.
“I did.” I took a step back toward her, but she held up a hand to stop me.
Fuck, she was going to leave.
She was already starting to guard herself.
“What else haven’t you told me yet?” Another valid question, but one I wasn’t quite ready to answer yet. Because there was so much more than just who I was as a gamer.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times. Unsure of how to tell her everything, all at once. Or if that was even a good idea.How long I’ve known her, how much I’ve invested in her games, her life, without her even knowing it was me.
“Actually,” she took another step back. “Don’t tell me. I need to process this first before you tell me more, because that look on your face and the way you are struggling to talk to me tells me there is more. There is a lot more.”
“Odette.” I let her name sit between us, not wanting to step toward her. She’d made the space, and I wanted to respect that. “Please don’t leave.”
I pleaded and reached a hand out to her, but I let it drop as she stood there staring at it before looking back up at me. I wanted her to let me explain, even if I didn’t deserve her time. I needed to be honest with her, especially after I’d dodged her questions and blatantly lied to her.
