“You know him better than any of those other dudes you met online.” She scoffed and waved her hand at me.
“That’s not what I mean.” I turned toward her, my attention no longer on the door. Her head was tilted in question. “This feeling that I want to know more of him, all of him, to see him more, have him come over, or me go to his place. Spend actual time with him, kiss him more, be with him.”
“Oh, shit.” Jemma’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t realize it was this deep yet.”
“I didn’t either ‘til I looked at that door and realized that when I open it, I’m opening a lot more; I can feel it. I trust him too much already. Like, I want to be my full self with him, but I don’t want it to be like last time. That I get lost in someone that seems invested in me, and I end up missing all the signs, the red flags, that it’s wrong.”
“Oh, hun,” Jemma grabbed my hand, understanding more now that my reaction was coming from my relationship with Parker. I’d lost myself in his sweet words at the beginning, how he took care of me, but missed all the lies, deceit, affairs, and how he was only using me for companionship, so he wasn’t lonely. In fact, he found himself someone to bed almost every week that wasn’t me, but he never wanted more than one night with them. I didn’t find this out until after the relationship ended, though.
A tear fell, and I wiped it away quickly before it could undo the mascara I put on. Jemma came in for a hug and held me. Westood there in silence for a few moments until she pulled away and placed her hands on my shoulders.
“I can tell you this right now. From what you’ve told me so far, Ryker is not Parker. Nowhere close.” She gave me a little shake before continuing. “And it is clear already that man is very different from how he speaks to you, how he treats you, even with the few times you’ve been with him. You feel safe, which, in all honesty, is a first that I’ve seen, and the way you smile when you speak about him or are thinking about him is something I’ve never seen from you before. I can tell you that this is different; such a good different.”
“Yeah?” I gave her a sheepish smile.
“Fuck yeah.” She gave me a little shove toward the door and stepped away. “And even if you’re worried about it going too fast, you can always slow it down, talk to him less, see him less.”
“Fuck no.” I righted myself. Even if I was overthinking, I knew that was something I didn’t want to happen.
“Didn’t think so.” Jemma let out a laugh.
A knock came from the front door.
“And that’s my cue to go.” Jemma snuck out the back door, and I looked myself over in the mirror one last time.
I could do this.
I could allow myself to fully open up the idea of letting Ryker into my life, to be a part of it consistently. A part of me became more nervous at the thought, and another part became excited. It’d been so long since I’d allowed myself to be me with another man. I knew I didn’t want to get hurt, but I also knew I wanted to be with someone who could love me and live life with me.
Who knew if Ryker was that person, but I was ready to let myself be open to it.
I’d pulled up almost five minutes ago to Odette’s house, and I was still sitting in my car, idling in the driveway. My nerves were shot, and I was locked in the seat of my car. My arm rested against the door with my hand against my temple, staring out the windshield.
Hours ago, I was playingLeague of Witchesin front of thousands of people and had no problems with stage fright. But right now, I was terrified of walking up to the door of this house. I thought back to my gameplay earlier and how I’d moved up my normal slot time, so that I would have enough time to stream and get ready for my date with Odette tonight. I’d prepped since I’d asked her out, and, surprisingly, more people showed up to today’s stream than normal.
We could change my start time permanently if this date goes well.
If.
If I could get out of this damn car. I turned off the engine. That was the first good step, but my hand was stuck on the door handle. I couldn’t pull.
I was like a teenage boy scared of going on their first date. Scared I would fuck up something so perfect that I’d been thinking about for ages. I’d wanted this date for so long that Ihad talked myself down the entire drive over, making my mind think that it wasn’t even real.
I looked up at the house, a few lights on, and I was pretty sure the curtain in the front window moved slightly.
Fuck.
It was now or never. Odette was bound to have heard my car pull up. It wasn’t quiet at all. And if she heard that, then she knew that I was still out here and hadn’t come up to get her yet.
I had planned to take us to a local restaurant and then go for a walk around the downtown area of Westfield again. It was a safe space for Odette, and I knew she would be most comfortable there.
I had to do this now.
I finally opened the car door, took the first step, and then the next. The door shut behind me. I locked the car and walked toward the front door. Her house was adorable, a cute little cottage that fit exactly who Odette was. Her whole vibe was an extension of her game, and it made me love her even more that she poured so much of her true self into it.
I knocked on the door and waited for her to open. It felt like I had been waiting for so long that I almost considered knocking again, but then the door opened. Odette stood in front of me, and I lost all thought.
“That was the longest wait of my life.” The words tumbled out of my mouth.
