Chapter Four
Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. It’s no big deal. Law is just in the audience about to watch you perform on stage.
I had never had anyone come to watch me perform before, not even my parents. After I had decided to perform a modern ballet number for my final at dance school, they refused to see any performance I was a part of. They said it was just a phase, but two years after graduating, I didn’t think it was. It didn’t bother me that they didn’t come to see me because I knew every night I went on stage, I was dancing for me, not them.
I peeked my head from behind the corner of the stage curtain to where I had seen Law take his seat, but it was empty. We were about to start and he was already gone.
“Sugar.”
I jumped at the word and turned around to see Law behind me with a bouquet of sunflowers. I looked from the flowers and then up at Law and then back at the flowers.
“How did you know?”
He stood there with a shy smile on his face and shrugged his shoulders. “Would it be too much to say the tattoo of the sunflowers on your hip gave it away?”
My hand instinctively went to my hip where the tattoo I had gotten at the age of eighteen was. I had gotten it in rebellion of my parents saying I still couldn’t do what I wanted to because I still lived under their roof. No parties, no alcohol, no driving, and especially, no tattoos.
That night Leah snuck me out of the house, took me to a tattoo shop, and the rest wasn’t so much as history as it was a blessing. I always thought that night made me into the person I was today. I loved my parents, I loved ballet, but what I loved the most was being able to make decisions for myself.
“Oh my God.”
I looked over Law’s shoulder to see where the exclamation had come from, only to be confronted with Leah and Axel standing behind Law.
“I didn’t think he would show.”
Leah hit Axel’s chest with the back of her hand and then pointed toward us.
“I see, honey.” Axel leaned down and kissed Leah’s forehead. He took a step toward where Law was standing and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, man.”
Before Law made any move toward Axel, he faced back to me, handing me the flowers he was still holding, and then pulled me into his side. We were facing both Leah and Axel now, with Law’s arm wrapped around my waist, as if to say we were together.
Are we?
“You, too.” Law finally held out his free hand to Axel and the smile that was plastered across Leah’s face spoke to me on so many levels. The last time I had seen her like this was when she had gotten the lead in this production.
“Places!” Anne came from around the corner, clapping her hands together to rile everyone up.
“I have to go.” I stood up on my toes to reach Law. A part of me knew I had no right to assume I could just kiss this man whenever I wanted to, but how he showed up tonight and bought me flowers, it was like he was asking for it.
“I can’t wait to see you in action.” He lowered himself so I could place a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you after.”
Law grabbed for the flowers and ducked out of the fast forming crowd of dancers who were about to hit the stage. I wouldn’t go on with the first group since Leah would start the show. I had a secondary role as her apprentice in the ballet. The plot was about a ballet instructor of a school who fell for one of her dancers. Said dancer just so happened to be the dean’s son. The drama of the ballet was reminiscent of Anne’s own experience. Unlike in real life, where Anne was married to her ballet dancer, Leah’s character wouldn’t meet the same fate. This ballet was romantic and dark in all the realms of reality and had watchers leaving with mascara streaks on their faces.
When it was finally time for me to enter the stage my eyes went straight to Law. He was sitting forward in his seat with his elbows resting on his knees, intently watching not just me, but the whole production. We had him hooked. The famous race car driver was hooked on our simple modern ballet.
I dared not look at him again as the production went on, worried I might not see the same adoration or somehow become even more distracted than I already was. Leah threw a death glare at me during our first number together because I had fallen behind in step count and had to skip a few steps in order to catch up and keep the pace. Luckily we finished without any other mishaps.
Anne hadn’t even noticed anything had happened as she congratulated us when the curtain dropped and all the dancers took their spots for the final bows of the night.
I took my place next to Leah like I did after every show, but instead of being proud of the work we had just done, I felt like something was missing. Leah’s face matched the one that was looking back at her. A marred smile and a confused look.
She grabbed for my hand and squeezed as the curtain lifted. My sight went straight to Law, who was standing and clapping along with the rest of the crowd. I stood straighter and a smile graced my face finally. I realized then that for the first time in my life I had wanted someone else’s approval.
It hadn’t been enough that I felt confident in how I danced, but I wanted Law to enjoy it just as much. I took my place center stage after Leah and embraced the audience’s energy that surrounded the building. I took one last look at Law before I stepped back into the lineup. We finally took our group bow and the curtain fell for the final time that night.
Tomorrow we would do it all over again and a sinking feeling came back to me. Tomorrow would be completely different from tonight. As I watched our group hug and congratulate each other, I was reminded that tomorrow night when the curtain fell, Law wouldn’t be here. Not like he was right now, standing off to the side of the set, with the sunflowers he had bought, just waiting for me. I was reminded that even though when I went home tomorrow and saw the sunflowers in the vase I was going to put them in, I wasn’t going to see Law.
And that thought made me want to hold onto tonight for as long as possible.
