“I’m going to kill that man. That stupid motherfucker, leaving me all alone.” A woman passed by me on the sidewalk and gave me a crazy side eye. Shit, I was talking out loud.
I put one foot in front of the other and made my way into the tall building in front of me. I hadn’t seen or talked to Greg since he left the girls and me at lunch on Monday afternoon. When we came back to the building he was nowhere in sight, and he didn’t show up to work yesterday and when I came in this morning and still didn’t see him, I wondered whether he was going to come to our first counseling session tonight. The girls had dropped the Greg conversation thankfully, and luckily Max didn’t come down from the fifth floor, but instead emailed me to take over Greg’s accounts for the rest of the week.
He didn’t mention anything being wrong or explain why I needed to do this, but I was glad to take on the work. I hadn’t have lunch with Alexa and Erica since Monday at Bakers. Yesterday when I left the building late, Erica was waiting for me with provisions. She brought gifts of chips and salsa and we watched chick flicks all night.
As I stepped into the elevator to go up to Dr. Coleman, I hoped that Greg would be there waiting for me because I couldn’t walk into that room alone. I couldn’t let my fears come to life, that he would just walk out and leave.
I walked into the waiting room to the office that Judge Baker had referred us to and panic set in when I saw it was empty. I crispy white walls didn’t make it feel like home and the receptionist sat behind her computer not paying attention to what was going on.
“Lilly?” A woman stepped out of a side room. She was tall and thin, with porcelain skin and gorgeous long curly black hair that I was extremely jealous of. She held out a hand to me. “I’m Dr. Tessa Coleman, but you can just call me Tessa.”
“Hi.” My response was short and weary. I reached for her hand and cringed on the inside at her dainty shake. Her hand felt petite, as light as a feather, and had no strength in the shake. I always judged someone by their handshake and I knew instantly that I wasn’t going to get along with this woman.
“Come on back, Greg is already here.” She turned from me and led the way into her room. Sure enough, when I walked in, there was Greg sitting on a long couch, lounging comfortably and concentrating on his phone. This room felt completely different compared to the main lobby. Tessa’s office was a calm tan color with walls filled with books. She had a large window along the back wall that opened up the small space and made you feel comfortable even though you knew that the conversations had here weren’t going to be the easiest.
I sat down on the opposite end of the couch, not paying attention to whether he was still on the phone or if I had caught his attention. Tessa sat down in a chair opposite us and, when she did so, I noticed the dress she wore rode up and it made my eye tick. You didn’t wear that kind of dress if you didn’t plan to impress someone, and as much as I wanted out of this marriage, that someone had better not be Greg.
“Thank you both for coming today.” Tessa reached for a pad of paper and pen and then straightened herself up, prepared for I had no idea what. “Most couples don’t come to the first session or only one does, so I’m excited to have you both here.”
I looked over to Greg, whose attention was now directed towards me. His eyes bore into me, but I didn’t see anger there. I saw a smolder, one that I had seen only right before we kissed. I snapped my attention back to Tessa. She looked a little too hopeful with her wide smile and go-getter attitude.
“What do you need from us?” I may have felt confident, but when I spoke, my voice broke. All the worrying I had done over the last two days came flooding back, and I couldn’t bear to look at Greg. I had tried to drown myself in paperwork, food, and movies, but none of it could prepare me for what was coming today.
“Why don’t we start with why you both think you are here today?” Tessa leaned forward, ready to write down anything we said.
“Easy.” I didn’t look over at Greg when he spoke up. “She wants a divorce.”
There it was again, him blaming me.
“And you don’t?” Tessa probed more as she began taking notes.
“The thought never crossed my mind.” I finally looked over to Greg. He no longer just had his body facing towards me, but had moved closer with a hand placed on the cushion between us. It seemed like I was his only target. That even though Tessa was asking the questions, I was the only one he was wanting to have hear the answers. “But I want her to be happy, so if it’s a divorce she wants, then I’ll let her fight for it.”
“What about you, Lilly?” Tessa shifted her focus back to me and it broke the trance I had on Greg. I looked over to Tessa and answered her the best I could.
“I want a divorce.” I reiterated what Greg had told her.
“Why?” She wrote something down on her pad. I wrung my hands together and then wiped my sweaty palms onto the couch.
“I don’t think we’re good together.”
“Bullshit.” Greg’s response popped out of his mouth so fast. I wasn’t sure either Tessa or I had expected such a response from him.
“We aren’t.” I looked over to Greg, giving him a stern look.
“I’ll say it again.” He inched closer to me, bracing his arm on the cushion behind my head. “Bullshit.”
“Fine.” I was staring him directly in the eyes now. “I don’t trust this.”
I waved a hand between where we were sitting.
“I don’t trust what you think we might have started here, because nothing should have been started to begin with.” I added more to my statement.
I whipped my head back to Tessa, not waiting to see Greg’s face. I didn’t want to see the shock or anger, or whatever he was feeling right now. The counselor asked me, not him.
“Why don’t you trust this, Lilly?” Tessa probed again.
“Did you not hear what I said?” I rolled my eyes at her question. I had already answered her. I knew she was only trying to help, but right now it felt more like she was hurting the situation more than it already was.
