Lilly
Looking into the mirror I had to say, I had probably listened to too many country songs, but in particular, too many breakup country songs—within the last twenty-four hours. Not the ones that make you cry. No, the ones that talk about slashing car tires, beating down doors, being done with a man, and it not being my mama’s broken heart.
I had made a few drastic decisions since leaving the courthouse yesterday morning. First stop, nail salon. I looked down at my perfectly sharpened kitten talons for nails that were a bright red that made me seem like a vixen.
Next was the hair salon. When Raven, the salon girl, took shears to my hair, I almost cried, but I held it back. This was a new me that I was going to give the world. A new Lilly who didn’t let her heart get broken by men who didn’t deserve to her in the first place. I didn’t take much off, but now my hair was about to my shoulders and she had put in enough amber highlights to basically change my entire hair color to a deep rich auburn. I couldn’t stop tossing my new hair around, so I finally pulled it into a loose bun.
After the hair salon I found myself walking past a tattoo parlor down in Little Five Points. I made it to the next shop door before I turned around and headed inside. The smell of industrial cleaner filled my nose and it smelled like something new I should try. I had had plenty of tattoos, but I’d never had any piercings, not even my ears. I glanced around the room before my eyes landed on a guy over in the corner with his feet propped up on the chair and a magazine in his lap.
I told the woman at the desk what I wanted and pointed over to the guy. Conner and I became quick friends as I told him the reason I wanted the nipple piercings, and how I wanted a fresh start. He even assured me that even in a few months if I no longer wanted that fresh start, if I took them out, they would heal just fine.
I reveled in the fact that Conner was the one doing my piercings. That I was having another man touch me instead of Greg. Yeah, the regret kind of got to me towards the end, but it was masked by the hatred that started to fill in the space around it.
I checked myself out in my bedroom mirror one more time, lifting up my white tank top carefully so as not to graze my nipples. They were still quite sensitive, but I loved the way the barbell looked and, when I put down my shirt, you could see right through it. I tossed on some makeup, not caring that I was headed to Stone Mountain with the girls. Max had apparently suggested it to Alexa, since he knew we all loved to go there and relax.
I slapped on some wing liner, ready to slay the day, and then slid on my sunglasses and headed out the door, making sure to grab for my jean jacket before leaving. The fall weather was gorgeous but it was still a little nippy.
Alexa and Erica were waiting outside of my building, sitting in Erica’s car. I hopped in and we made our way silently to the mountain. I wasn’t dressed in my normal workout clothes, but in jeans to match my jacket and a white ribbed tank top. Alexa reached forward to hand me an orange, knowing I probably hadn’t eaten anything today. Yesterday no matter how many times the girls asked me if I was hungry, the answer was always no.
I didn’t want to think about food, not just because I was upset, but because every single damn kind of food reminded me of Greg and I just couldn’t stand the thought of him.
“Thanks.” I started to peel off the sides of the orange.
“No problem.” Alexa placed her hand on my shoulder and left it there for the whole ride. I had only eaten half of my orange when we got to the parking lot at the bottom of the mountain. I got out of the car, thankful I had gone for my combat boots with my outfit today. I could leisurely climb up and take the cable car down.
“Erica!” Chase’s voice rang out and I spun around immediately looking for where Greg might be, but only saw Jack and Max with Chase. They made their way over to us, all in workout gear.
“You look good, Lilly.” Jack spoke up first, his eyes clearly not trained on my face but on the one boob that was poking out of my jacket since it had slipped down my shoulder. I used my free hand to adjust my jacket and continued to eat my orange.
“Thanks.” I was short and curt with him and turned away to start heading up the mountain. I left the group behind me, not wanting to think if Greg was going to be here or not, or how the office was running with half of the team gone. I had made sure to get with Max today and ask for the rest of the week off, but he made sure to let Alexa and Erica have it off too, understanding just how bad things were. It was like he was prepared for Greg and me to fail.
“You walk too fast.” Jack jogged up next to me and I looked behind to see everyone slowly following us. Alexa was talking to Erica, both girls clearly ignoring Max and Chase, and I couldn’t blame them in this moment. When they both tried to get ahold of anyone yesterday, the only person to answer the phone was Max and he wasn’t able to give Alexa any information, which pissed her off more.
“You should just go back with everyone else.” I quickened my pace.
“Hold up, Lilly.”
“No.” I put my hands in my jacket pockets, and slumped my shoulders forward and continued to walk.
“Fucking A, Lilly.” Jack’s hand grabbed for my arm.
“Can you not?!” I jerked my arm out of his grasp. “You can’t fix what he did Jack, so just fucking stop.”
I turned on my heels and continued to walk, leaving him behind. The rest of the group merged where Jack and I had been seconds before. They all left me alone for the remainder of the walk, and I wasn’t sure if it was because they were afraid I was going to bite someone’s head off again, or if they wanted to let me think. Being left alone to think was not something I needed.
The more I was left to my thoughts, the more I thought about every single kiss Greg had placed on me, every single time he saidI love you, and said that he meant every word he spoke. It made me remember every damn lie, because that’s what all of it was, a lie. The dirtiest lies that had ever been told. I just wish his pants would catch on fire this time.
“Umph.” The sound was loud and I whipped my head around to see Jack flat on top of a boulder.
“Seriously?” I mumbled to myself and turned around to help him. He was a little in front of the others, so I got to him first. “Can you try not to die on this mountain today, please?”
I held out a hand and helped him up. Once I saw he was fine, I turned around to continue my ascent. We were almost to the top and I was excited to be able to sit down and just revel in the open air on top of the mountain.
When we finally reached the top, Jack spoke up again.
“Hey!” I thought he was calling for me to stop again, but I didn’t. I just made my way to a flat rock off to the side where I normally sat to get a good view and some peace and quiet.
“Hey!” The response to Jack wasn’t from Max or Chase. I didn’t have to turn around to know that Greg was on this mountain with us. My heart sped up and I walked further away from them, not turning around. The tears started to brim in my eyes that he could so nonchalantly sayheywhen I was standing so close to them. That he didn’t acknowledge me.
